Insights & Resources

Join our clinicians as they share their insights on mental wellness strategies, research, and current events

Child Wellness Children Therapy Mental Wellness Parenting Teenage Uncategorized December 6, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Mental Health Influencers: Understanding & Managing the Impact of Social Media & Gaming on Youth Development

Do you have a tech zombie at your house? Do you walk into a room only to find a loved one bathed in the blue light of a screen, with glazed over eyes and a blank expression? Or maybe you have a tech gremlin. They appear calm and relaxed on screens but then become irritable or even intensely angry when it’s time to get off screens? Or perhaps you have a Youtube-ing, tech-toc-teen who appears to partake in social media light-heartedly but shows concerning signs of being influenced in negative ways. Chances are, your child is engaging in gaming or social media use, and you are wondering how this is influencing their mental health?

Screens & Executive Functioning

You’re not crazy… increased time on screens is associated with worse executive functioning. Executive functioning describes the brain processes that help guide goal driven behavior and self-regulation. So if your child seems to have more difficulty completing less-fun tasks such as picking up after themselves, getting ready to leave the house, or even homework, it might be because screen use has gotten out of balance. You might be yelling ‘OMG just get it done!’ in your household lately, you might want to re-examine the amount of tech use and its timing in your household. This balance is especially hard to attain when kids are on screens all day at school.

Rewards to Real Life

Most apps, games and social media are designed to manipulate the reward centers of our brain. When we get something we want, achieve a goal, or experience pleasure, positive neuro-chemicals and activity lights up our brain’s reward center. You can even see it on brain scans! When using apps, games and social media we get lots of little and big reward ‘pings’ in our brain without actually having to exert much effort. So when we re-enter the real world and need to do tasks that require sustained effort and result in more subtle or even long-term rewards, we may react with irritation, frustration, and even feelings of helplessness. Some kids and teens will even react with intense anger when it’s time to put down screens and re-enter the real world.

Identity Building from Social Media

Identity building in the era of apps, gaming and social media is tricky! Content is pushed via algorithms and is based not only on our patterns of viewing and consumption, but also our identifying factors such as age and gender. Our feeds tend to be narrowly based and can become dangerous echo chambers, leading to reduced exposure to people, ideas and information. Research clearly tells us that this information greatly impacts our thinking patterns, such as what we think of ourselves and others.

The Social Media Sads

Social Media has a complex relationship with mental health. It can provide a sense of connection and positive inclusion in groups, but it can also fuel fear of missing out, ‘should’ thinking, and intensely unrealistic expectations for everything from looks to socializing and material belongings.

I Am The Influencer Now

We know social media and gaming will continue to have a huge influence on our thinking, behavioral, emotional and social patterns. But if we are aware of these impacts, we can be conscious of having our own positive influence over learning to regulate screen use in our own family and household.

Here are some tips to consciously engage in screen time and social media use in your household:

Model good tech use boundaries: Establish tech free zone in the house (e.g., dinner table? Bathroom? Bedrooms?), and tech check-in times (bed time? Study time?)
Establishing the timing of when tech is allowed in your household is paramount to kids developing self-regulation skills around tech use. Fostering the mindset that necessary tasks get done before tech time helps hone expectations and self-regulation.
Step away from screens. Establish a norm of setting phones/iPads down and turning screens off when engaging in work, chores, eating, etc. Create physical distance between screens and other essential activities.
Build Self-worth and Identity through real-world competencies: Learning tik-tok dances is fun and makes us feel cool with our friends, but witnessing real-world impact increases positive self-worth and identity much, much more
Shared Values: Take time to sit with your child and teen and consume social media or games together. Your input and perspective does influence their inner narrative

If you feel your child or teen is demonstrating concerning signs of too much screen use or social media consumption, contact us and speak with one of our specialists.

Eating Disorders Holidays Mental Wellness November 20, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Tips for Navigating Holiday Eating

Thanksgiving and the holiday season are fast approaching which can be a difficult time for those who are struggling with their relationship with food and/or body image. Thankfully, there are many tips and skills that can be utilized to make holidays a more joyful time! Planning ahead of time allows you to enjoy the holiday to the fullest.

Tip One: Identify Your Supports

Creating a support plan will help you feel more confident and in control going into the holiday season, especially for holidays with a food focus.. Identify a trusted and reliable support person who you can text or call if eating disorder thoughts become overwhelming. Be sure to choose someone who understands your eating disorder journey and is willing and available to provide support.

Tip Two: Pack A Coping Kit

Which coping skills are you planning to use, and what physical items might help you move through difficult emotions and thoughts? Throw them in your bag or dedicate a small container to these items. For example, it might be helpful to bring a phone charger to ensure your supports are always available! Perhaps pack a strong, pleasant lotion for grounding exercises. The possibilities are endless and the physicality of an actual item can really help shift our thoughts and emotions.

Tip Two: Talk It Out with a Professional!

Luckily, our holiday meals often consist of the same or similar foods each year and this makes it easy to plan for. There is some sense of predictability surrounding family traditions which can be helpful. Prior to the holiday, schedule an appointment with your dietician to discuss what you might eat the day of the occasion. If your support person can be present for this appointment, consider having them be coached on how to plate your meal for you. This will help you to reduce your eating disorder thoughts in relation to portion sizes and comparisons of “healthy” and “unhealthy” foods present. Scheduling an appointment with your psychotherapist is equally as useful. During this appointment, you both can work on identifying coping skills you can utilize during the gathering and brainstorm ways to reduce overall anxiety related to eating. Prior to the holiday, it might also be helpful to continue working towards any established food goals that are part of the existing treatment plan.

Tip Three: Create Traditions Beyond the Food

Food is usually the focus of many holidays because of the traditions it carries from year to year and for some, the symbolism of certain foods. Try to create and establish traditions that have less of an emphasis on food. For example, plan to have a game night after dinner or a walk around the neighborhood. Think of what brings you the most joy and establish a new tradition out of it!

Tip Four: Advocating For Your Needs

Let loved ones know ahead of time that you do not want to discuss your weight, body, or food choices at this gathering. There is nothing wrong with advocating for yourself, especially in eating disorder recovery. In fact, it is encouraged! Unfortunately, not everyone honors these boundaries, or they make a hurtful comment out of habit. Find ways to politely excuse yourself and disengage from such conversations and reach out to your support person right away. It can also be helpful to write down some thoughts and feelings you had in reaction to these comments and discuss them with your psychotherapist at your next appointment. Your psychotherapist can help brainstorm ways to navigate these difficult situations so you go into them feeling prepared.

Lastly, celebrate the small wins. Did you attend the holiday gathering despite your anxiety and fears? Way to go! Did you set boundaries with loved ones, even if they did not honor them? Amazing! Did you try a new food? Wow! The small steps are what get us to the finish line in eating disorder recovery. I hope this holiday season is filled with many small wins for you!

If you feel you or a loved one may benefit from additional support, please do not hesitate to contact us and speak with one of our expert clinicians.

ADHD Child Wellness Parenting October 22, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

ADHD Strengths That Might be Driving you Crazy as a Parent

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental difference – meaning, ADHD brains are developing differently. (Click here for a more in-depth explanation of these brain development differences). And these differences result in behavioral and emotional patterns that can be important and unique strengths for individuals with ADHD. However, these strengths can also cause disruption in the household and sometimes look like oppositional or disrespectful behavior. But as we understand these strengths better, we can develop conscious parenting strategies to support these patterns, help our ADHD kids thrive, and have a calm household.

Problem Solving Styles

Your child’s way of solving problems might not match up with yours. One of the most notable strengths of kids, teens and adults with ADHD is their valuable strength in problem solving. They are often attending to different information or seeing the problem through a different lens, and thus go about solving problems in unique ways. This is one of the reasons you often see individuals with ADHD are so successful in less traditional career and work choices. However, in your household, when problems arise, the approach your child takes might make no sense to you and even cause you major frustration. In fact, you might feel like they aren’t listening to you or don’t want to solve the problem, when their brain can’t make sense of what seems to logical and linear to you. Taking a moment to help them verbalize what they actually identify as the problem (it might be different from what you identify!), what they see is contributing to the problem, and how they would like to solve it, is a collaborative cascade that helps support and hone this unique strength.

Your Child Might Literally Perceive Time Differently!

We all know that the experience of time is relative, but did you know this effect is amplified for your ADHD kid or teen? Isn’t this incredible! This is such an asset when they find something they are super interested in, as they can spend a ton of time digging in and digging deep. But it also means that for difficult or undesirable tasks, time inches by at a painful and glacial pace. In your household this might mean these uninteresting or undesirable tasks are met with intense emotions, difficult behaviors or total disengagement. Starting with acknowledging this phenomena with empathy goes a long way to help get through challenging tasks. “Oh man, I know these 30 minutes of homework feel like 5 hours to you, that’s so hard.” Then, working to clearly and concretely delineate the time interval, for instance, by using visual timers, helps to reduce the frustration.

Risk-taking Tolerance

Did you know that kids with ADHD don’t process punishment or negative outcomes the same as their neurotypical peers? Individuals with ADHD are more likely to see negative outcomes as unrelated to their choices or actions, resulting in a tenacity and tolerance for risk-taking. While this might mean your kiddo is destined for big things, as a parent it may also drive you mad. In your household, that may mean that when you try to ‘teach your child a lesson’ through punishment, they don’t connect their choice or actions with the negative outcome, leading them to repeat the offense again and again. You might feel like they are ignoring you – but it’s actually because their brain is processing the outcome or punishment differently. ADHD brains are great at paying attention to and remembering the positive pay off, or reward. Admittedly, it takes a lot of practice and self-regulation on our part as parents, but turning to the positive replacement behaviors and rewarding these helps grow that choice-outcome connection much more effectively than punishment.

Emotional Intensity

For many individuals with ADHD, the difference in wiring (connectivity within the brain) and communication (neurotransmitters) in their brain also results in intense emotional experiences. This might be one reason individuals with ADHD tend to be very passionate and creative. And as any parent of an ADHD kiddo or teen will tell you, helping their child learn to regulate, effectively express and use these intense emotions takes a lot of skill and perseverance. ADHD kids often need extra support to learn how to label their emotions, regulate and tolerate challenging emotions, and eventually use these intense emotional experiences to fuel creativity, productivity and deep, meaningful relationships.

If you would like help developing a plan to support your child or loved one’s strengths, please reach out!

ADHD Mental Wellness Parenting Testing October 4, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

What Your Loved One with ADHD Wants You to Know

As a parent or partner to a loved one with ADHD, it can be difficult to fully understand the experience of navigating this world with ADHD. So we asked! We asked clinicians and clients with ADHD, what do they wish their loved ones knew?

Before we tell you what they said, though, let’s chat about what ADHD actually is. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that there are real differences in the way ADHD brains communicate and store information. These brain development differences cause challenges with a group of behaviors commonly referred to as, ‘executive functions.’ The term, executive functioning, refers to self-regulatory behaviors such as attention, concentration, and focus, as well as task planning and initiation, transitioning from one task to the next, flexible problem solving, emotion regulation, impulse control, self-monitoring and organization. So in summary, ADHD is not simply a problem with focus and attention, it is a brain development difference that causes self-regulation challenges. As one of our clients said, “ADHD is so much more than ‘inability to focus’!”

So what did our ADHD clients say?

Here are a few things your loved on with ADHD wants you to know:

I’m trying my best: Even when it seems like I’m not paying attention, not focused, fidgeting, restless, or not following instructions, I want you to know that I am really trying hard. My brain works differently. Please don’t think I’m lazy. I actually am working twice as hard, if not more, than my peers.
There are unique and positive aspects to having ADHD: I seem to do well in situations that require me to “think outside of the box”. I feel some of my greatest strengths are my creativity and innovative ideas. I think I see and experience the world a little differently than others and that’s ok. It actually really great sometimes. In addition, I find I can hyperfocus on things I really enjoy and feel passionate about, leading to high levels of productivity and mastery. Because I have had to overcome my own unique challenges, I have developed strong problem solving skills and resilience. I feel I am very determined to succeed.
It can be hard for me to recognize when I am hungry, tired, and other physical cues: My brain is so busy with thoughts, swirling with information, and a flurry of activity that it can be difficult for me to pay attention to some of my most basic needs. I may even blow way past the point of hunger or being tired and become very dysregulated as a result.
I need to take breaks: Long periods of work (and even short periods) can be draining. Taking short breaks can help me recharge. I need to move my body on breaks, my brain literally needs more blood flow. Sometimes I have no idea that I actually need a break and it’s helpful when you give me ‘permission’ to take a break.
Structure and routine helps me: I may say that I feel “boxed in” but having a consistent schedule and routine helps me manage my tasks, time, and responsibilities better.
Positive reinforcement: I know it’s frustrating when I don’t follow directions, don’t complete something, lose something… I am frustrated too. Please try to notice when I do something well or I am trying. This will work better for me when you are trying to praise or encourage my efforts.
Please don’t forget…I have strengths! Please be aware and help me recognize my strengths. Supporting and nurturing these can do wonders for boosting my self-esteem and confidence. I can feel pretty down about the things I struggle with.
I need help and support with organization: My brain categorizes information differently so keeping my space clean and organization strategies are not my strong suit. I need support with this. I also have a hard time keeping track of things and lose things easily. Please don’t be mad! I just need a better system. I like to keep things out and in view because if it is out of sight, it is out of mind. I can have trouble with something called object permanence so if it is put away, I might completely forget about it!
Emotional support: I have a hard time regulating my emotions and often get very frustrated and upset. I tend to feel emotions intensely and don’t know what to do to cope sometimes. I can sometimes feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster and it is very challenging for me to regulate. Your understanding and support is helpful. Having ways to manage and move through these big feelings is even more helpful.
My “out of control” feelings are just as hard and uncomfortable for me to experience as they are for you to witness: When you’re calm it helps me to be calm. You model and show me adaptive and healthy ways to regulate. It’s almost like I borrow some of your “calm” when I can’t quite find mine.
Clear concise instructions, please: Too much information can overload and overwhelm me. Please provide little bits at a time as clearly and concisely as possible. If I didn’t follow through with something, it’s because I was at capacity.
I’m not being difficult on purpose! My behavior is not who I am. It is a direct result of the challenges I experience and how my brain processes information and input.
Patience is key: With the proper supports and patience, I know I can achieve my goals. But please be patient with me. My progress and changes won’t happen overnight.
Your words matter: If you ask me a lot of questions it can sometimes feel overwhelming and threatening to me to the point that I shut down. I prefer you also include statements and declarative language to help me not feel so on alert.

Conclusion

Even though the ADHD brain presents challenges, strengths in ADHD creativity, connection and problem solving ensure that each individual with ADHD can feel positive. As we help our loved ones navigate their challenges and provide them with the proper tools and supports it can be helpful to be mindful of their experiences and remind them of their strengths. By celebrating their unique abilities, perspectives, and by fostering a supportive environment, we empower them to thrive and reach their full potential!

If you feel you or your child could benefit from additional support for ADHD, please call us and speak with one of our highly trained specialists. Also, ask about our neuropsychological testing services!

Read more about ADHD by visiting the following links:

Blog- How Do We Know ADHD is a Real Disorder
https://www.mbh-mi.com/how-do-we-know-adhd-is-a-real-disorder/

Blog- Understanding the Relationship Between ADHD and Sensory Seeking Behaviors
https://www.mbh-mi.com/relationship-between-adhd-and-sensory-seeking-behaviors/

Other ADHD blog posts
https://www.mbh-mi.com/category/adhd/

ADHD Resource Guide
https://www.mbh-mi.com/adhd-rg/

ADHD Testing:

For more information about ADHD testing
https://www.mbh-mi.com/testing/adhd/

For more general information about testing
https://www.mbh-mi.com/testing/general-information/

Click here to schedule an appointment

Anxiety Child Wellness Children Therapy September 25, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Hiding in Plain Sight: The Sneaky Side of Anxiety

The fall is a very busy and exciting time for kids and families. It can bring the excitement of starting a new sport or activity, the joy of reuniting with friends after a long summer, or the possibility of a new course load for the year. However, all of these new experiences can also elicit a whole slew of worries in anxiety-prone children. While sometimes anxiety is really obvious to spot… often it’s very sneaky, manifesting in surprising ways.

Know the Sneaky Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety looks a little bit different for everyone and can be tricky to spot. Knowing the common signs, as well as the sneakier signs of anxiety can help us to recognize what is going on, and better prepare us to manage it.

Here are some common and sneaky signs:

Frequent headaches or stomach aches: Anxiety has real, physiological impact on our bodies. Physical symptoms are often associated with anxiety, especially for kids. These aches and pains are not fake or for attention, they are very real! If your child is complaining of stomach aches, joint pain or headaches often with no clear medical explanation, it may be a sneaky sign of anxiety.
Avoidance: When things get scary, it can be a lot easier to pretend like the scary things aren’t happening. Kids may avoid talking about the source of their anxiety, refuse to go somewhere, have trouble getting ready, or try to avoid going or participating in the thing that makes them anxious. The behaviors kids display when trying to avoid anxiety can be really creative!
Mood changes: Anxiety reactions make us irritable and sad! Anxiety can be sneaky, wearing the mask of another emotion. Getting upset or irritated more easily can be a sign that a child is overwhelmed, worried or nervous.
Changes in eating: A child might skip eating, eat more than usual, or change their preferences regarding food. This can be a sign of underlying anxiety. Without knowing, they may be making an attempt to control things that feel “out of control” by restricting food intake, avoiding certain foods, or overeating.
Clinginess: Separation is hard, and if a child is showing signs of not wanting to be apart from their parents or having a hard time separating from parents, it can be a sneaky sign of larger worries. For older kids, this might look like constantly texting parents to gain reassurance.
Defiance: Defiance is often a sign of underlying anxiety in kids. Their outwardly defiant behavior may be an attempt to cope with overwhelming feelings and situations. Recognizing this connection can help parents address the root cause and provide appropriate support.

The Take Home

Anxiety can be a sneaky culprit to spot; our kids have very creative ways to get their needs met and oftentimes their outward behaviors or emotional reactions don’t obviously point to anxiety. But as parents and providers, we can work together to spot these signs and patterns and ensure your child gets the support they need to thrive.

Additional support in understanding anxiety is available. Call our office and get connected with one of our specialists.

Wishing you and your child a happy and healthy fall season!

Grief and loss Mental Wellness August 29, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Navigating Grief and Loss

On August 30th we observe National Grief Awareness Day. This day is dedicated to raising awareness of the countless ways in which individuals cope with loss. There is no correct or wrong way to grieve and cope with the loss of our loved ones. Grieving changes our brains and how we process; our experience of grief cannot be predicted! We tend to describe loss metaphorically, like losing a part of ourselves. Our brains have a (metaphoric) hole where the “we” lived. Our brains experience the loss every time we expect to see a loved one walking in the room, or we pick up the phone to call them and remember we cannot. We then are faced with the most unthinkable reality: How do I live in a world they are not in? How do I cope with the unimaginable? The vast majority of us do find ways to cope and restore meaning in our lives after the death of a loved one. Today we spend time acknowledging our grief, and how we find the courage to cope today and every day.

Am I Doing it Right? Absolutely You Are.

All the Feelings

I want to point out once more that there is no correct way to navigate the grieving process nor can you compare your experiences to others. Grief is a natural response to loss, and we do not experience grief in linear stages. We should expect to feel all the feelings with no timeline attached. If we set up expectations of when we should be done healing, we can feel like we failed at grief. We can feel like we failed at “overcoming” our grief and moving into a state of acceptance. There is nothing productive or helpful that comes from shrouding our grief in shame. The anger, exhaustion, panic, disbelief, yearning, depressed mood can come in waves, whether it is felt like a gentle summer breeze or a tsunami after a loss is experienced. Yearning declines and acceptance rises over time. When we spend time acknowledging and processing our complex feelings and coping with emotions, it allows us an opportunity to continue living a meaningful life after loss.

Your New Toolkit You Did Not Ask For

We’ve all heard the saying “Time heals all wounds”. It’s how we use that time to keep moving in the world when we feel unbalanced after a loss. The most reliable predictor of good mental health is having a large toolkit of strategies to deal with our emotions. Everyone is handed a new empty toolkit at the beginning of the grieving process. We carry that toolkit with us everywhere we go and add to it as we experience grief. We add all the big important tools that keep us moving through the holidays & anniversaries, and all the little Band-Aids to help us get through the everyday moments. When a loved one dies, we are thrown into a new reality where we often change our habits. It’s common to avoid old habits like past shared experiences and have little interest in creating new memories. The avoidance of these things can in the short term protect us from overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. For example, “if I enjoy this without them, it means I do not love them or miss them.” However, avoidance tends not to be a helpful strategy in the long-run. It’s important to fill your toolkit with strategies that will help you continue to courageously wake up every morning when experiencing intense grief. This can look like focusing on new hobbies, learning relaxation strategies, finding distractions, and reaching out to your social support network. It can also mean talking with a professional if you feel like your toolkit isn’t quite doing the job! Talking with a professional can help you when you get derailed from the natural healing process. The goal is to help you build the skills for your toolkit, not to stop your grief, but help you persevere in moving forward.

The Address Book

During times of grieving, our village can be an immense source of support. Lean into them! Your village can help accomplish tasks that feel too overwhelming initially after loss. They can provide comfort, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. They can be the people who go out into the world and try new things with us! There will be times where alone time will feel more appropriate than company. It’s helpful to consider in what ways could your village help ride the wave of grief. If you were able to come up with ways in which you think they could bring help- then welcome them in!

How to Support others Grief

If you are in the village of someone who is grieving, you may feel at a loss of how to support them. Watching our family and friends experience intense grief can be insurmountable. It can leave us with a sense of unease and at a loss for what to say or do to support them. We may feel we say too little or too much. We may find ourselves struggling with how much to be present and when to give space. Tears can make us uncomfortable. The inclination may be to “cheer” them up or give them a reason to smile. What’s the right approach?

First, Stay Present.

This may sound obvious, but stay present however long and in whatever shape you can. This is my reminder to you to continue to check in on your people periodically on those random Wednesday afternoons where the checklist of chores is endless and practices/events go well into the evening. This can be accomplished in numerous ways! It can be in the form of a phone call checking in, an uplifting text message, periodically mailing cards, bringing over carry out or a home cooked meal, or scheduling times to meet up with the grieving individual/family. A lot of support from the community comes pouring in immediately after a loss, but it filters off as time goes on and others’ focus shifts back to their own busy lives. You may feel a pang of doubt or a sense of indecision. “Should I text them? I don’t know, I don’t want to bother them.” Just do it. You may wrestle with the indecision of when the right time is to reach out. They will appreciate receiving the reminder that they are loved and have a village around them holding them close.

But What Do I Say?

You may be at a loss for words. What is the right thing to say to someone grieving? First, be willing to sit with their pain and avoid attempting to fix the unfixable. Acknowledge you are there for them backed with action! I’m here for you even if it’s just to sit and listen. I’m here for you even though I can’t make it better. It’s helpful to acknowledge their pain and share your love for them. You could share a positive memory of the person who has died. You could simply hold their hand and be a safe space for your village members to talk about.

Don’t Ask, Anticipate

When at a loss for words, turn to actions! A common occurrence is to reach out to that individual in your support system and remind them you are here for them and willing to help in any way they need. Asking or accepting help can be draining or overwhelming. Instead, support them by setting up concrete times you will be available. You could text and let them know you will be dropping off a meal that week and inquire about the best day to drop off. You could take notice of the chores that need to be accomplished, like cutting the grass, grocery shopping, walking pets, child care. You could provide options for distractions at various levels of intensity (going out or staying at home). Set up the expectation that you will be helping follow through.

In Conclusion…

The grieving process will differ for each individual. It is as unique as we are, but the only way through it is through it. By building your toolkit, utilizing the support available to you, and even reaching out for professional help when needed, you too will find ways to keep going. Remember, grief is not limited to our experience after the death of a loved one. Any significant loss can stir up feelings of grief. For example, we can experience grief after:

-the loss of a pet

-the ending of a significant relationship

-the loss of a job

-the loss of physical functioning/medical related changes

Embrace your resilience and know that every step forward, no matter the size, is a step forward. Lastly, it is okay to not be okay. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. The grief you feel is a sign of your love and connection. You are supported and not alone.

If you feel you or a loved one may benefit from additional support, call our office at 248-220-3332 or click here to schedule an appointment.

Mental Wellness Self-care July 24, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Mindful Self-Compassion: Quieting Our Inner Critic

Written by: Jessica Hauser-Harrington, PhD, LP

We are often our own worst critics. Whether I am working with high-achieving, “type-A” executives and physicians, overwhelmed parents, or a self-conscious middle schooler, I see so many people criticize and berate themselves for not meeting a goal, for saying something they wished they hadn’t, or worrying about a future performance. Theodore Roosevelt once said that “comparison is the thief of joy.” Not only do we compare ourselves to others, but often the bigger loss of joy comes when we compare ourselves to an internal standard that may feel impossible to reach, leading to self-criticism and eventually anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Mindful Self-Compassion is a mindfulness practice that is centered around giving compassion and care to yourself. At its heart, mindful self-compassion is non-judgmental and loving. It is not falsely inflating your ego, nor an excuse to dismiss problematic behaviors or choices, but rather It is about giving yourself grace and generosity, particularly during difficult times. It is about recognizing and honoring your inherent value and worthiness of care as a human being. Mindful Self-Compassion can be a powerful self-soothing coping strategy during times of stress, as well as a way to build one’s resilience to better manage future stressors. Founded by Drs. Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer, mindful self-compassion has established a strong body of research support over the past twenty years, helping with resilience building, depression, anxiety PTSD, body image, conflict resolution and more (see Dr. Neff’s website for relevant studies: https://self-compassion.org/the-research/ ). More recently, other clinicians are developing new applications for Mindful Self-Compassion including programs for OCD and infertility.

Mindful Self-Compassion can be incorporated into individual therapy (as I do with patients in my practice) or it can be a part of your personal meditation or mindfulness practice. I often begin by having individuals complete a Self-Compassion test (https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/) to get a sense of where what their current levels of self-criticism and judgment vs self-compassion fall. The experience can be a powerful tool to reflect on the messages we give ourselves and the impact it has on overall well-being, self-esteem, and mood. The next steps include learning about Mindfulness Self-Compassion and exploring the origins behind the person’s inner critic as well as identifying sources of love and compassion. We then proceed to practicing guided meditations. The mindfulness aspect allows for a “pause” between a triggering event and our initial gut reaction to criticize and self-flagellate. Over time, the goal is to lower the volume on our inner critic and change the messages to ones that are more kind and compassionate.

Resources and Further Reading

https://self-compassion.org/ Dr. Neff’s website, filled with further information about MSC, links to videos and podcast, research, guided practices, training and events
https://centerformsc.org/ The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, offers training resources to develop your practice

Books By Kristen Neff, PhD:

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive (co-authored with Chris Germer)
Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout: Tools to Help You Heal and Recharge When You’re Wrung Out by Stress (co-authored with Chris Germer)

Books By Other Authors:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer and Sharon Salzberg
Self-Compassion for Educators: Mindful Practices to Awaken Your Well-Being and Grow Resilience by Lisa Baylis
The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens: Mindfulness and Compassion Skills to Overcome Self-Criticism and Embrace Who You Are by Karen Bluth PhD
The Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids: Fun Mindfulness Activities to Build Emotional Strength and Make Kindness Your Superpower by Lorraine M. Hobbs MA, and Amy C. Balentine PhD
The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD: Lean into Your Fear, Manage Difficult Emotions, and Focus On Recovery by Kimberley Quinlan LMFT and Jon Hershfield MFT

Advocacy LGBTQIA+ Pride Month June 17, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

How to be an Ally in Mental Wellness With Our LGBTQIA+ Community

Many of us want to support and prioritize mental health for our LGBTQIA+ loved ones but may feel lost in how to do so. Wanting to learn how to support effectively is already the first step in the right direction.

If you identify as an ally (i.e,; a person, often heterosexual/cisgender, who supports the wellness and equality of LGBTQIA+ individuals and community), you can show your loved ones you care and accept them by some simple actions.

Visual Actions

Using simple visual cues to let the LGBTQIA+ community know you are a safe person or organization can go a long way in casual or initial interactions. Individuals who identify under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella regularly experience fear and discrimination, and offering a quick visual cue can help pave the way for reduced anxiety and open communication. Putting an ally sticker on your laptop or water bottle, stating your pronouns in email signatures or when meeting someone new, showing up to local Pride celebration events such as parades, fundraisers, or festivals, are very visual ways to communicate your support.

Verbal Actions

You can use your own unique voice to lift up the LGBTQIA+ community by expressing support and sharing information. Pride Month acknowledges the progress the LGBTQIA+ community has made while recognizing the individuals whose sacrifice and hard work made such progress possible. Take some time this month, in between all the celebrations for the community, to also educate yourself on how societal issues disproportionately impact the LGBTQIA+ community while also brushing up on your LGBTQIA+ terminology.

Open and Genuine Connection

Fostering a mindset of openness and genuine connection during Pride Month allows you to grow while expressing empathy and validation. When individuals experience genuine empathy and connection, it positively impacts mental wellness. Allow others to share their experiences with you – whether that’s related to discrimination and hardship or joy in being in a queer relationship. Learning about individuals’ unique experiences and well as LGBTQIA+ history, are great ways to show your mindset of openness and genuine connection.

My hope is that whether you have a friend, child, partner, acquaintance, or co-worker who is part of the queer community, this blog provides you with some easy and meaningful ways to show your support. I hope this Pride month is full of rainbows, celebrations, joy, and sense of community for you.

Resources for queer individuals/allies:

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/

https://www.glsen.org/

https://www.sageusa.org/

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