Category: <span>Parenting</span>

ADHD Child Wellness Parenting By Beth Church 0 Comments

ADHD Strengths That Might be Driving you Crazy as a Parent

Written by: Julie Braciszewski, PhD, LP

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental difference – meaning, ADHD brains are developing differently. (Click here for a more in-depth explanation of these brain development differences). And these differences result in behavioral and emotional patterns that can be important and unique strengths for individuals with ADHD.  However, these strengths can also cause disruption in the household and sometimes look like oppositional or disrespectful behavior. But as we understand these strengths better, we can develop conscious parenting strategies to support these patterns, help our ADHD kids thrive, and have a calm household.

Problem Solving Styles 

Your child’s way of solving problems might not match up with yours. One of the most notable strengths of kids, teens and adults with ADHD is their valuable strength in problem solving. They are often attending to different information or seeing the problem through a different lens, and thus go about solving problems in unique ways. This is one of the reasons you often see individuals with ADHD are so successful in less traditional career and work choices. However, in your household, when problems arise, the approach your child takes might make no sense to you and even cause you major frustration. In fact, you might feel like they aren’t listening to you or don’t want to solve the problem, when their brain can’t make sense of what seems to logical and linear to you. Taking a moment to help them verbalize what they actually identify as the problem (it might be different from what you identify!), what they see is contributing to the problem, and how they would like to solve it, is a collaborative cascade that helps support and hone this unique strength.   

Your Child Might Literally Perceive Time Differently! 

We all know that the experience of time is relative, but did you know this effect is amplified for your ADHD kid or teen? Isn’t this incredible!  This is such an asset when they find something they are super interested in, as they can spend a ton of time digging in and digging deep. But it also means that for difficult or undesirable tasks, time inches by at a painful and glacial pace. In your household this might mean these uninteresting or undesirable tasks are met with intense emotions, difficult behaviors or total disengagement. Starting with acknowledging this phenomena with empathy goes a long way to help get through challenging tasks. “Oh man, I know these 30 minutes of homework feel like 5 hours to you, that’s so hard.” Then, working to clearly and concretely delineate the time interval, for instance, by using visual timers, helps to reduce the frustration. 

Risk-taking Tolerance 

Did you know that kids with ADHD don’t process punishment or negative outcomes the same as their neurotypical peers? Individuals with ADHD are more likely to see negative outcomes as unrelated to their choices or actions, resulting in a tenacity and tolerance for risk-taking. While this might mean your kiddo is destined for big things, as a parent it may also drive you mad. In your household, that may mean that when you try to ‘teach your child a lesson’ through punishment, they don’t connect their choice or actions with the negative outcome, leading them to repeat the offense again and again. You might feel like they are ignoring you – but it’s actually because their brain is processing the outcome or punishment differently. ADHD brains are great at paying attention to and remembering the positive pay off, or reward. Admittedly, it takes a lot of practice and self-regulation on our part as parents, but turning to the positive replacement behaviors and rewarding these helps grow that choice-outcome connection much more effectively than punishment.

Emotional Intensity

For many individuals with ADHD, the difference in wiring (connectivity within the brain) and communication (neurotransmitters) in their brain also results in intense emotional experiences. This might be one reason individuals with ADHD tend to be very passionate and creative.  And as any parent of an ADHD kiddo or teen will tell you, helping their child learn to regulate, effectively express and use these intense emotions takes a lot of skill and perseverance. ADHD kids often need extra support to learn how to label their emotions, regulate and tolerate challenging emotions, and eventually use these intense emotional experiences to fuel creativity, productivity and deep, meaningful relationships.

If you would like help developing a plan to support your child or loved one’s strengths, please reach out!

 

ADHD Mental Wellness Parenting Testing By Beth Church 0 Comments

What Your Loved One with ADHD Wants You to Know

Written by: Jill Wasserman, MA, LPC

As a parent or partner to a loved one with ADHD, it can be difficult to fully understand the experience of navigating this world with ADHD. So we asked! We asked clinicians and clients with ADHD, what do they wish their loved ones knew?   

Before we tell you what they said, though, let’s chat about what ADHD actually is. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that there are real differences in the way ADHD brains communicate and store information. These brain development differences cause challenges with a group of behaviors commonly referred to as, ‘executive functions.’  The term, executive functioning, refers to self-regulatory behaviors such as attention, concentration, and focus, as well as task planning and initiation, transitioning from one task to the next, flexible problem solving, emotion regulation, impulse control, self-monitoring and organization. So in summary, ADHD is not simply a problem with focus and attention, it is a brain development difference that causes self-regulation challenges. As one of our clients said, “ADHD is so much more than ‘inability to focus’!”

So what did our ADHD clients say?

Here are a few things your loved on with ADHD wants you to know:

  1. I’m trying my best: Even when it seems like I’m not paying attention, not focused, fidgeting, restless, or not following instructions, I want you to know that I am really trying hard. My brain works differently. Please don’t think I’m lazy. I actually am working twice as hard, if not more, than my peers.
  2. There are unique and positive aspects to having ADHD:  I seem to do well in situations that require me to “think outside of the box”. I feel some of my greatest strengths are my creativity and innovative ideas. I think I see and experience the world a little differently than others and that’s ok. It actually really great sometimes. In addition, I find I can hyperfocus on things I really enjoy and feel passionate about, leading to high levels of productivity and mastery. Because I have had to overcome my own unique challenges, I have developed strong problem solving skills and resilience. I feel I am very determined to succeed.
  3. It can be hard for me to recognize when I am hungry, tired, and other physical cues: My brain is so busy with thoughts, swirling with information, and a flurry of activity that it can be difficult for me to pay attention to some of my most basic needs. I may even blow way past the point of hunger or being tired and become very dysregulated as a result.
  4. I need to take breaks: Long periods of work (and even short periods) can be draining. Taking short breaks can help me recharge. I need to move my body on breaks, my brain literally needs more blood flow. Sometimes I have no idea that I actually need a break and it’s helpful when you give me ‘permission’ to take a break.
  5. Structure and routine helps me: I may say that I feel “boxed in” but having a consistent schedule and routine helps me manage my tasks, time, and responsibilities better.
  6. Positive reinforcement: I know it’s frustrating when I don’t follow directions, don’t complete something, lose something… I am frustrated too. Please try to notice when I do something well or I am trying. This will work better for me when you are trying to praise or encourage my efforts.
  7. Please don’t forget…I have strengths! Please be aware and help me recognize my strengths. Supporting and nurturing these can do wonders for boosting my self-esteem and confidence. I can feel pretty down about the things I struggle with.
  8. I need help and support with organization: My brain categorizes information differently so keeping my space clean and organization strategies are not my strong suit. I need support with this. I also have a hard time keeping track of things and lose things easily. Please don’t be mad! I just need a better system. I like to keep things out and in view because if it is out of sight, it is out of mind. I can have trouble with something called object permanence so if it is put away, I might completely forget about it!
  9. Emotional support: I have a hard time regulating my emotions and often get very frustrated and upset. I tend to feel emotions intensely and don’t know what to do to cope sometimes. I can sometimes feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster and it is very challenging for me to regulate. Your understanding and support is helpful. Having ways to manage and move through these big feelings is even more helpful.
  10. My “out of control” feelings are just as hard and uncomfortable for me to experience as they are for you to witness: When you’re calm it helps me to be calm. You model and show me adaptive and healthy ways to regulate. It’s almost like I borrow some of your “calm” when I can’t quite find mine.
  11. Clear concise instructions, please: Too much information can overload and overwhelm me. Please provide little bits at a time as clearly and concisely as possible. If I didn’t follow through with something, it’s because I was at capacity.
  12. I’m not being difficult on purpose! My behavior is not who I am. It is a direct result of the challenges I experience and how my brain processes information and input.
  13. Patience is key: With the proper supports and patience, I know I can achieve my goals. But please be patient with me. My progress and changes won’t happen overnight.
  14. Your words matter: If you ask me a lot of questions it can sometimes feel overwhelming and threatening to me to the point that I shut down. I prefer you also include statements and declarative language to help me not feel so on alert.

Conclusion

Even though the ADHD brain presents challenges, strengths in ADHD creativity, connection and problem solving ensure that each individual with ADHD can feel positive. As we help our loved ones navigate their challenges and provide them with the proper tools and supports it can be helpful to be mindful of their experiences and remind them of their strengths. By celebrating their unique abilities, perspectives, and by fostering a supportive environment, we empower them to thrive and reach their full potential!

If you feel you or your child could benefit from additional support for ADHD, please call us and speak with one of our highly trained specialists. Also, ask about our neuropsychological testing services!

Read more about ADHD by visiting the following links:

Blog- How Do We Know ADHD is a Real Disorder
https://www.mbh-mi.com/how-do-we-know-adhd-is-a-real-disorder/

Blog- Understanding the Relationship Between ADHD and Sensory Seeking Behaviors
https://www.mbh-mi.com/relationship-between-adhd-and-sensory-seeking-behaviors/

Other ADHD blog posts
https://www.mbh-mi.com/category/adhd/

ADHD Resource Guide
https://www.mbh-mi.com/adhd-rg/

 

ADHD Testing:

For more information about ADHD testing
https://www.mbh-mi.com/testing/adhd/

For more general information about testing
https://www.mbh-mi.com/testing/general-information/

 

Click here to schedule an appointment

Mental Wellness Parenting Self-care By Beth Church 0 Comments

Parenting Burnout: Redefining Self-Care

Written by: Jessica Hauser-Harrington, PhD, LP

Parenting is hard, and it’s ok to say so! 

We often think of burnout as an occupational hazard, but it applies to parenting, too. The seemingly endless demands and expectations put on parents, both large (rising costs of child related-care) and small (another spirit week?!?), can leave parents feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and at the end of their rope.  Additionally, parenting children with emotional or behavioral difficulties brings added challenges and stressors that may lead you to feel isolated or different from other families who may not experience these things. We know parenting burnout is real, but we also know there are real ways to battle and overcome it! 

The hard fact is, we live in a society where people only show the happy, highlight reels of family life on social media, which can lead to feelings of frustration, jealousy, and even hopelessness. We are our own worst critics, especially when it comes to parenting. An important part of battling parenting  burnout is being mindful of the messages we are letting sink in from social media and wider culture. What is actually important to you in your parenting? Find small ways to live these values and make sure expectations fueled by the unrealistic, curated version of parenting on social media do not take root in your mind. You’ve got this, and you are doing amazing! 

If you yourself experience depression, anxiety, ADHD, or other mental health conditions, daily parenting tasks may feel even more overwhelming and tiring. Trauma or baggage from your own childhood certainly impacts parenting. In addition, so many parents feel that they lose part of themselves and their identity when they become parents. Addressing these issues can really reduce parenting burnout. At Monarch, we treat children and their families as a unit. Parenting support is often a key component of your child’s treatment, whether that is done as part of your child’s appointment or in separate parenting sessions. Our clinicians also work with parents in individual therapy to address issues related to their own health and wellbeing. Whether it is learning cognitive behavioral therapy strategies to challenge automatic thoughts, dialectical behavioral therapy to build distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness techniques, or mindful self-compassion skills, our therapists will work with you to customize your treatment plan to help you become the parent you want to be.  

You’ve probably heard the phrase “self-care isn’t selfish” before. It’s not only true, it’s necessary for parents! You cannot pour water from an empty well. Taking time for yourself, whether in the form of exercise, meditation, hobbies, socializing, therapy or simply taking time to be alone, helps to refill that well and recharge your batteries. You are a better parent when you are well-rested, well-fed, and have things to look forward to aside from your children.

Here are some self-care suggestions that can help combat parenting burnout:

  • Find and use your village, whether that’s grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, or trading off childcare with other families you know and trust. Ask for help and offer it in return.
  • Set aside protected, non-childcare, non-housework time for each parent during the week, whether that’s 45 mins or 2 hours. Make sure the time is equitable for both partners (a 1-hour spin class ≠ 4 hours of golfing)
  • Being a stay-at-home parent is a job too, make sure you get “time off”
  • Pursue your own hobbies, learn something new
  • Embrace the two-fer: go for a walk or take a class with a friend
  • Put those dates on the calendar! Dinner and a movie is great, but think beyond a weekend night: it can be a coffee break, a walk around the block with the dog, or meeting up on your lunch breaks. The same goes for getting together with friends—if it’s not on the calendar, it’s not going to happen!
  • Learn to say “no” to the things that don’t serve you and your family. Your children don’t have to play every sport or every instrument or participate in every extra-curricular under the sun. You don’t have to volunteer for every school event. It’s ok to have a quiet stay-cation or holiday at home. Say no more often..
  • Try not to compare yourself to other families, especially to parenting “influencers”, no one’s house is that clean all the time! If you’re on social media, seek out more realistic, relatable accounts.
  • If your child has a diagnosis or health condition that adds extra challenges to parenting, seek out diagnosis- or disorder-specific support groups for families and parents for resources and social support.  

Further reading for parenting books that include parents’ well-being as part of their guidance:

Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself by Susan M. Pollak, EdD

Parenting with Sanity & Joy: 101 Simple Strategies by Susan G. Groner

How Not to Lose Your Sh*t with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent by Carla Naumburg, PhD

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham

Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids by Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE

If you are considering individual therapy sessions for additional parenting support, contact us and speak with one of our specialists!