Category: <span>Mental Wellness</span>

Child Wellness Children Therapy Mental Wellness Parenting Teenage Uncategorized December 6, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Mental Health Influencers: Understanding & Managing the Impact of Social Media & Gaming on Youth Development

Do you have a tech zombie at your house? Do you walk into a room only to find a loved one bathed in the blue light of a screen, with glazed over eyes and a blank expression? Or maybe you have a tech gremlin. They appear calm and relaxed on screens but then become irritable or even intensely angry when it’s time to get off screens? Or perhaps you have a Youtube-ing, tech-toc-teen who appears to partake in social media light-heartedly but shows concerning signs of being influenced in negative ways. Chances are, your child is engaging in gaming or social media use, and you are wondering how this is influencing their mental health?

Screens & Executive Functioning

You’re not crazy… increased time on screens is associated with worse executive functioning. Executive functioning describes the brain processes that help guide goal driven behavior and self-regulation. So if your child seems to have more difficulty completing less-fun tasks such as picking up after themselves, getting ready to leave the house, or even homework, it might be because screen use has gotten out of balance. You might be yelling ‘OMG just get it done!’ in your household lately, you might want to re-examine the amount of tech use and its timing in your household. This balance is especially hard to attain when kids are on screens all day at school.

Rewards to Real Life

Most apps, games and social media are designed to manipulate the reward centers of our brain. When we get something we want, achieve a goal, or experience pleasure, positive neuro-chemicals and activity lights up our brain’s reward center. You can even see it on brain scans! When using apps, games and social media we get lots of little and big reward ‘pings’ in our brain without actually having to exert much effort. So when we re-enter the real world and need to do tasks that require sustained effort and result in more subtle or even long-term rewards, we may react with irritation, frustration, and even feelings of helplessness. Some kids and teens will even react with intense anger when it’s time to put down screens and re-enter the real world.

Identity Building from Social Media

Identity building in the era of apps, gaming and social media is tricky! Content is pushed via algorithms and is based not only on our patterns of viewing and consumption, but also our identifying factors such as age and gender. Our feeds tend to be narrowly based and can become dangerous echo chambers, leading to reduced exposure to people, ideas and information. Research clearly tells us that this information greatly impacts our thinking patterns, such as what we think of ourselves and others.

The Social Media Sads

Social Media has a complex relationship with mental health. It can provide a sense of connection and positive inclusion in groups, but it can also fuel fear of missing out, ‘should’ thinking, and intensely unrealistic expectations for everything from looks to socializing and material belongings.

I Am The Influencer Now

We know social media and gaming will continue to have a huge influence on our thinking, behavioral, emotional and social patterns. But if we are aware of these impacts, we can be conscious of having our own positive influence over learning to regulate screen use in our own family and household.

Here are some tips to consciously engage in screen time and social media use in your household:

Model good tech use boundaries: Establish tech free zone in the house (e.g., dinner table? Bathroom? Bedrooms?), and tech check-in times (bed time? Study time?)
Establishing the timing of when tech is allowed in your household is paramount to kids developing self-regulation skills around tech use. Fostering the mindset that necessary tasks get done before tech time helps hone expectations and self-regulation.
Step away from screens. Establish a norm of setting phones/iPads down and turning screens off when engaging in work, chores, eating, etc. Create physical distance between screens and other essential activities.
Build Self-worth and Identity through real-world competencies: Learning tik-tok dances is fun and makes us feel cool with our friends, but witnessing real-world impact increases positive self-worth and identity much, much more
Shared Values: Take time to sit with your child and teen and consume social media or games together. Your input and perspective does influence their inner narrative

If you feel your child or teen is demonstrating concerning signs of too much screen use or social media consumption, contact us and speak with one of our specialists.

Eating Disorders Holidays Mental Wellness November 20, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Tips for Navigating Holiday Eating

Thanksgiving and the holiday season are fast approaching which can be a difficult time for those who are struggling with their relationship with food and/or body image. Thankfully, there are many tips and skills that can be utilized to make holidays a more joyful time! Planning ahead of time allows you to enjoy the holiday to the fullest.

Tip One: Identify Your Supports

Creating a support plan will help you feel more confident and in control going into the holiday season, especially for holidays with a food focus.. Identify a trusted and reliable support person who you can text or call if eating disorder thoughts become overwhelming. Be sure to choose someone who understands your eating disorder journey and is willing and available to provide support.

Tip Two: Pack A Coping Kit

Which coping skills are you planning to use, and what physical items might help you move through difficult emotions and thoughts? Throw them in your bag or dedicate a small container to these items. For example, it might be helpful to bring a phone charger to ensure your supports are always available! Perhaps pack a strong, pleasant lotion for grounding exercises. The possibilities are endless and the physicality of an actual item can really help shift our thoughts and emotions.

Tip Two: Talk It Out with a Professional!

Luckily, our holiday meals often consist of the same or similar foods each year and this makes it easy to plan for. There is some sense of predictability surrounding family traditions which can be helpful. Prior to the holiday, schedule an appointment with your dietician to discuss what you might eat the day of the occasion. If your support person can be present for this appointment, consider having them be coached on how to plate your meal for you. This will help you to reduce your eating disorder thoughts in relation to portion sizes and comparisons of “healthy” and “unhealthy” foods present. Scheduling an appointment with your psychotherapist is equally as useful. During this appointment, you both can work on identifying coping skills you can utilize during the gathering and brainstorm ways to reduce overall anxiety related to eating. Prior to the holiday, it might also be helpful to continue working towards any established food goals that are part of the existing treatment plan.

Tip Three: Create Traditions Beyond the Food

Food is usually the focus of many holidays because of the traditions it carries from year to year and for some, the symbolism of certain foods. Try to create and establish traditions that have less of an emphasis on food. For example, plan to have a game night after dinner or a walk around the neighborhood. Think of what brings you the most joy and establish a new tradition out of it!

Tip Four: Advocating For Your Needs

Let loved ones know ahead of time that you do not want to discuss your weight, body, or food choices at this gathering. There is nothing wrong with advocating for yourself, especially in eating disorder recovery. In fact, it is encouraged! Unfortunately, not everyone honors these boundaries, or they make a hurtful comment out of habit. Find ways to politely excuse yourself and disengage from such conversations and reach out to your support person right away. It can also be helpful to write down some thoughts and feelings you had in reaction to these comments and discuss them with your psychotherapist at your next appointment. Your psychotherapist can help brainstorm ways to navigate these difficult situations so you go into them feeling prepared.

Lastly, celebrate the small wins. Did you attend the holiday gathering despite your anxiety and fears? Way to go! Did you set boundaries with loved ones, even if they did not honor them? Amazing! Did you try a new food? Wow! The small steps are what get us to the finish line in eating disorder recovery. I hope this holiday season is filled with many small wins for you!

If you feel you or a loved one may benefit from additional support, please do not hesitate to contact us and speak with one of our expert clinicians.

ADHD Mental Wellness Parenting Testing October 4, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

What Your Loved One with ADHD Wants You to Know

As a parent or partner to a loved one with ADHD, it can be difficult to fully understand the experience of navigating this world with ADHD. So we asked! We asked clinicians and clients with ADHD, what do they wish their loved ones knew?

Before we tell you what they said, though, let’s chat about what ADHD actually is. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that there are real differences in the way ADHD brains communicate and store information. These brain development differences cause challenges with a group of behaviors commonly referred to as, ‘executive functions.’ The term, executive functioning, refers to self-regulatory behaviors such as attention, concentration, and focus, as well as task planning and initiation, transitioning from one task to the next, flexible problem solving, emotion regulation, impulse control, self-monitoring and organization. So in summary, ADHD is not simply a problem with focus and attention, it is a brain development difference that causes self-regulation challenges. As one of our clients said, “ADHD is so much more than ‘inability to focus’!”

So what did our ADHD clients say?

Here are a few things your loved on with ADHD wants you to know:

I’m trying my best: Even when it seems like I’m not paying attention, not focused, fidgeting, restless, or not following instructions, I want you to know that I am really trying hard. My brain works differently. Please don’t think I’m lazy. I actually am working twice as hard, if not more, than my peers.
There are unique and positive aspects to having ADHD: I seem to do well in situations that require me to “think outside of the box”. I feel some of my greatest strengths are my creativity and innovative ideas. I think I see and experience the world a little differently than others and that’s ok. It actually really great sometimes. In addition, I find I can hyperfocus on things I really enjoy and feel passionate about, leading to high levels of productivity and mastery. Because I have had to overcome my own unique challenges, I have developed strong problem solving skills and resilience. I feel I am very determined to succeed.
It can be hard for me to recognize when I am hungry, tired, and other physical cues: My brain is so busy with thoughts, swirling with information, and a flurry of activity that it can be difficult for me to pay attention to some of my most basic needs. I may even blow way past the point of hunger or being tired and become very dysregulated as a result.
I need to take breaks: Long periods of work (and even short periods) can be draining. Taking short breaks can help me recharge. I need to move my body on breaks, my brain literally needs more blood flow. Sometimes I have no idea that I actually need a break and it’s helpful when you give me ‘permission’ to take a break.
Structure and routine helps me: I may say that I feel “boxed in” but having a consistent schedule and routine helps me manage my tasks, time, and responsibilities better.
Positive reinforcement: I know it’s frustrating when I don’t follow directions, don’t complete something, lose something… I am frustrated too. Please try to notice when I do something well or I am trying. This will work better for me when you are trying to praise or encourage my efforts.
Please don’t forget…I have strengths! Please be aware and help me recognize my strengths. Supporting and nurturing these can do wonders for boosting my self-esteem and confidence. I can feel pretty down about the things I struggle with.
I need help and support with organization: My brain categorizes information differently so keeping my space clean and organization strategies are not my strong suit. I need support with this. I also have a hard time keeping track of things and lose things easily. Please don’t be mad! I just need a better system. I like to keep things out and in view because if it is out of sight, it is out of mind. I can have trouble with something called object permanence so if it is put away, I might completely forget about it!
Emotional support: I have a hard time regulating my emotions and often get very frustrated and upset. I tend to feel emotions intensely and don’t know what to do to cope sometimes. I can sometimes feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster and it is very challenging for me to regulate. Your understanding and support is helpful. Having ways to manage and move through these big feelings is even more helpful.
My “out of control” feelings are just as hard and uncomfortable for me to experience as they are for you to witness: When you’re calm it helps me to be calm. You model and show me adaptive and healthy ways to regulate. It’s almost like I borrow some of your “calm” when I can’t quite find mine.
Clear concise instructions, please: Too much information can overload and overwhelm me. Please provide little bits at a time as clearly and concisely as possible. If I didn’t follow through with something, it’s because I was at capacity.
I’m not being difficult on purpose! My behavior is not who I am. It is a direct result of the challenges I experience and how my brain processes information and input.
Patience is key: With the proper supports and patience, I know I can achieve my goals. But please be patient with me. My progress and changes won’t happen overnight.
Your words matter: If you ask me a lot of questions it can sometimes feel overwhelming and threatening to me to the point that I shut down. I prefer you also include statements and declarative language to help me not feel so on alert.

Conclusion

Even though the ADHD brain presents challenges, strengths in ADHD creativity, connection and problem solving ensure that each individual with ADHD can feel positive. As we help our loved ones navigate their challenges and provide them with the proper tools and supports it can be helpful to be mindful of their experiences and remind them of their strengths. By celebrating their unique abilities, perspectives, and by fostering a supportive environment, we empower them to thrive and reach their full potential!

If you feel you or your child could benefit from additional support for ADHD, please call us and speak with one of our highly trained specialists. Also, ask about our neuropsychological testing services!

Read more about ADHD by visiting the following links:

Blog- How Do We Know ADHD is a Real Disorder
https://www.mbh-mi.com/how-do-we-know-adhd-is-a-real-disorder/

Blog- Understanding the Relationship Between ADHD and Sensory Seeking Behaviors
https://www.mbh-mi.com/relationship-between-adhd-and-sensory-seeking-behaviors/

Other ADHD blog posts
https://www.mbh-mi.com/category/adhd/

ADHD Resource Guide
https://www.mbh-mi.com/adhd-rg/

ADHD Testing:

For more information about ADHD testing
https://www.mbh-mi.com/testing/adhd/

For more general information about testing
https://www.mbh-mi.com/testing/general-information/

Click here to schedule an appointment

Grief and loss Mental Wellness August 29, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Navigating Grief and Loss

On August 30th we observe National Grief Awareness Day. This day is dedicated to raising awareness of the countless ways in which individuals cope with loss. There is no correct or wrong way to grieve and cope with the loss of our loved ones. Grieving changes our brains and how we process; our experience of grief cannot be predicted! We tend to describe loss metaphorically, like losing a part of ourselves. Our brains have a (metaphoric) hole where the “we” lived. Our brains experience the loss every time we expect to see a loved one walking in the room, or we pick up the phone to call them and remember we cannot. We then are faced with the most unthinkable reality: How do I live in a world they are not in? How do I cope with the unimaginable? The vast majority of us do find ways to cope and restore meaning in our lives after the death of a loved one. Today we spend time acknowledging our grief, and how we find the courage to cope today and every day.

Am I Doing it Right? Absolutely You Are.

All the Feelings

I want to point out once more that there is no correct way to navigate the grieving process nor can you compare your experiences to others. Grief is a natural response to loss, and we do not experience grief in linear stages. We should expect to feel all the feelings with no timeline attached. If we set up expectations of when we should be done healing, we can feel like we failed at grief. We can feel like we failed at “overcoming” our grief and moving into a state of acceptance. There is nothing productive or helpful that comes from shrouding our grief in shame. The anger, exhaustion, panic, disbelief, yearning, depressed mood can come in waves, whether it is felt like a gentle summer breeze or a tsunami after a loss is experienced. Yearning declines and acceptance rises over time. When we spend time acknowledging and processing our complex feelings and coping with emotions, it allows us an opportunity to continue living a meaningful life after loss.

Your New Toolkit You Did Not Ask For

We’ve all heard the saying “Time heals all wounds”. It’s how we use that time to keep moving in the world when we feel unbalanced after a loss. The most reliable predictor of good mental health is having a large toolkit of strategies to deal with our emotions. Everyone is handed a new empty toolkit at the beginning of the grieving process. We carry that toolkit with us everywhere we go and add to it as we experience grief. We add all the big important tools that keep us moving through the holidays & anniversaries, and all the little Band-Aids to help us get through the everyday moments. When a loved one dies, we are thrown into a new reality where we often change our habits. It’s common to avoid old habits like past shared experiences and have little interest in creating new memories. The avoidance of these things can in the short term protect us from overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. For example, “if I enjoy this without them, it means I do not love them or miss them.” However, avoidance tends not to be a helpful strategy in the long-run. It’s important to fill your toolkit with strategies that will help you continue to courageously wake up every morning when experiencing intense grief. This can look like focusing on new hobbies, learning relaxation strategies, finding distractions, and reaching out to your social support network. It can also mean talking with a professional if you feel like your toolkit isn’t quite doing the job! Talking with a professional can help you when you get derailed from the natural healing process. The goal is to help you build the skills for your toolkit, not to stop your grief, but help you persevere in moving forward.

The Address Book

During times of grieving, our village can be an immense source of support. Lean into them! Your village can help accomplish tasks that feel too overwhelming initially after loss. They can provide comfort, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. They can be the people who go out into the world and try new things with us! There will be times where alone time will feel more appropriate than company. It’s helpful to consider in what ways could your village help ride the wave of grief. If you were able to come up with ways in which you think they could bring help- then welcome them in!

How to Support others Grief

If you are in the village of someone who is grieving, you may feel at a loss of how to support them. Watching our family and friends experience intense grief can be insurmountable. It can leave us with a sense of unease and at a loss for what to say or do to support them. We may feel we say too little or too much. We may find ourselves struggling with how much to be present and when to give space. Tears can make us uncomfortable. The inclination may be to “cheer” them up or give them a reason to smile. What’s the right approach?

First, Stay Present.

This may sound obvious, but stay present however long and in whatever shape you can. This is my reminder to you to continue to check in on your people periodically on those random Wednesday afternoons where the checklist of chores is endless and practices/events go well into the evening. This can be accomplished in numerous ways! It can be in the form of a phone call checking in, an uplifting text message, periodically mailing cards, bringing over carry out or a home cooked meal, or scheduling times to meet up with the grieving individual/family. A lot of support from the community comes pouring in immediately after a loss, but it filters off as time goes on and others’ focus shifts back to their own busy lives. You may feel a pang of doubt or a sense of indecision. “Should I text them? I don’t know, I don’t want to bother them.” Just do it. You may wrestle with the indecision of when the right time is to reach out. They will appreciate receiving the reminder that they are loved and have a village around them holding them close.

But What Do I Say?

You may be at a loss for words. What is the right thing to say to someone grieving? First, be willing to sit with their pain and avoid attempting to fix the unfixable. Acknowledge you are there for them backed with action! I’m here for you even if it’s just to sit and listen. I’m here for you even though I can’t make it better. It’s helpful to acknowledge their pain and share your love for them. You could share a positive memory of the person who has died. You could simply hold their hand and be a safe space for your village members to talk about.

Don’t Ask, Anticipate

When at a loss for words, turn to actions! A common occurrence is to reach out to that individual in your support system and remind them you are here for them and willing to help in any way they need. Asking or accepting help can be draining or overwhelming. Instead, support them by setting up concrete times you will be available. You could text and let them know you will be dropping off a meal that week and inquire about the best day to drop off. You could take notice of the chores that need to be accomplished, like cutting the grass, grocery shopping, walking pets, child care. You could provide options for distractions at various levels of intensity (going out or staying at home). Set up the expectation that you will be helping follow through.

In Conclusion…

The grieving process will differ for each individual. It is as unique as we are, but the only way through it is through it. By building your toolkit, utilizing the support available to you, and even reaching out for professional help when needed, you too will find ways to keep going. Remember, grief is not limited to our experience after the death of a loved one. Any significant loss can stir up feelings of grief. For example, we can experience grief after:

-the loss of a pet

-the ending of a significant relationship

-the loss of a job

-the loss of physical functioning/medical related changes

Embrace your resilience and know that every step forward, no matter the size, is a step forward. Lastly, it is okay to not be okay. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. The grief you feel is a sign of your love and connection. You are supported and not alone.

If you feel you or a loved one may benefit from additional support, call our office at 248-220-3332 or click here to schedule an appointment.

Mental Wellness Self-care July 24, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Mindful Self-Compassion: Quieting Our Inner Critic

Written by: Jessica Hauser-Harrington, PhD, LP

We are often our own worst critics. Whether I am working with high-achieving, “type-A” executives and physicians, overwhelmed parents, or a self-conscious middle schooler, I see so many people criticize and berate themselves for not meeting a goal, for saying something they wished they hadn’t, or worrying about a future performance. Theodore Roosevelt once said that “comparison is the thief of joy.” Not only do we compare ourselves to others, but often the bigger loss of joy comes when we compare ourselves to an internal standard that may feel impossible to reach, leading to self-criticism and eventually anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Mindful Self-Compassion is a mindfulness practice that is centered around giving compassion and care to yourself. At its heart, mindful self-compassion is non-judgmental and loving. It is not falsely inflating your ego, nor an excuse to dismiss problematic behaviors or choices, but rather It is about giving yourself grace and generosity, particularly during difficult times. It is about recognizing and honoring your inherent value and worthiness of care as a human being. Mindful Self-Compassion can be a powerful self-soothing coping strategy during times of stress, as well as a way to build one’s resilience to better manage future stressors. Founded by Drs. Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer, mindful self-compassion has established a strong body of research support over the past twenty years, helping with resilience building, depression, anxiety PTSD, body image, conflict resolution and more (see Dr. Neff’s website for relevant studies: https://self-compassion.org/the-research/ ). More recently, other clinicians are developing new applications for Mindful Self-Compassion including programs for OCD and infertility.

Mindful Self-Compassion can be incorporated into individual therapy (as I do with patients in my practice) or it can be a part of your personal meditation or mindfulness practice. I often begin by having individuals complete a Self-Compassion test (https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/) to get a sense of where what their current levels of self-criticism and judgment vs self-compassion fall. The experience can be a powerful tool to reflect on the messages we give ourselves and the impact it has on overall well-being, self-esteem, and mood. The next steps include learning about Mindfulness Self-Compassion and exploring the origins behind the person’s inner critic as well as identifying sources of love and compassion. We then proceed to practicing guided meditations. The mindfulness aspect allows for a “pause” between a triggering event and our initial gut reaction to criticize and self-flagellate. Over time, the goal is to lower the volume on our inner critic and change the messages to ones that are more kind and compassionate.

Resources and Further Reading

https://self-compassion.org/ Dr. Neff’s website, filled with further information about MSC, links to videos and podcast, research, guided practices, training and events
https://centerformsc.org/ The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, offers training resources to develop your practice

Books By Kristen Neff, PhD:

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive (co-authored with Chris Germer)
Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout: Tools to Help You Heal and Recharge When You’re Wrung Out by Stress (co-authored with Chris Germer)

Books By Other Authors:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer and Sharon Salzberg
Self-Compassion for Educators: Mindful Practices to Awaken Your Well-Being and Grow Resilience by Lisa Baylis
The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens: Mindfulness and Compassion Skills to Overcome Self-Criticism and Embrace Who You Are by Karen Bluth PhD
The Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids: Fun Mindfulness Activities to Build Emotional Strength and Make Kindness Your Superpower by Lorraine M. Hobbs MA, and Amy C. Balentine PhD
The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD: Lean into Your Fear, Manage Difficult Emotions, and Focus On Recovery by Kimberley Quinlan LMFT and Jon Hershfield MFT

Mental Wellness Parenting Self-care April 17, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Parenting Burnout: Redefining Self-Care

Written by: Jessica Hauser-Harrington, PhD, LP

Parenting is hard, and it’s ok to say so!

We often think of burnout as an occupational hazard, but it applies to parenting, too. The seemingly endless demands and expectations put on parents, both large (rising costs of child related-care) and small (another spirit week?!?), can leave parents feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and at the end of their rope. Additionally, parenting children with emotional or behavioral difficulties brings added challenges and stressors that may lead you to feel isolated or different from other families who may not experience these things. We know parenting burnout is real, but we also know there are real ways to battle and overcome it!

The hard fact is, we live in a society where people only show the happy, highlight reels of family life on social media, which can lead to feelings of frustration, jealousy, and even hopelessness. We are our own worst critics, especially when it comes to parenting. An important part of battling parenting burnout is being mindful of the messages we are letting sink in from social media and wider culture. What is actually important to you in your parenting? Find small ways to live these values and make sure expectations fueled by the unrealistic, curated version of parenting on social media do not take root in your mind. You’ve got this, and you are doing amazing!

If you yourself experience depression, anxiety, ADHD, or other mental health conditions, daily parenting tasks may feel even more overwhelming and tiring. Trauma or baggage from your own childhood certainly impacts parenting. In addition, so many parents feel that they lose part of themselves and their identity when they become parents. Addressing these issues can really reduce parenting burnout. At Monarch, we treat children and their families as a unit. Parenting support is often a key component of your child’s treatment, whether that is done as part of your child’s appointment or in separate parenting sessions. Our clinicians also work with parents in individual therapy to address issues related to their own health and wellbeing. Whether it is learning cognitive behavioral therapy strategies to challenge automatic thoughts, dialectical behavioral therapy to build distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness techniques, or mindful self-compassion skills, our therapists will work with you to customize your treatment plan to help you become the parent you want to be.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “self-care isn’t selfish” before. It’s not only true, it’s necessary for parents! You cannot pour water from an empty well. Taking time for yourself, whether in the form of exercise, meditation, hobbies, socializing, therapy or simply taking time to be alone, helps to refill that well and recharge your batteries. You are a better parent when you are well-rested, well-fed, and have things to look forward to aside from your children.

Here are some self-care suggestions that can help combat parenting burnout:

Find and use your village, whether that’s grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, or trading off childcare with other families you know and trust. Ask for help and offer it in return.
Set aside protected, non-childcare, non-housework time for each parent during the week, whether that’s 45 mins or 2 hours. Make sure the time is equitable for both partners (a 1-hour spin class ≠ 4 hours of golfing)
Being a stay-at-home parent is a job too, make sure you get “time off”
Pursue your own hobbies, learn something new
Embrace the two-fer: go for a walk or take a class with a friend
Put those dates on the calendar! Dinner and a movie is great, but think beyond a weekend night: it can be a coffee break, a walk around the block with the dog, or meeting up on your lunch breaks. The same goes for getting together with friends—if it’s not on the calendar, it’s not going to happen!
Learn to say “no” to the things that don’t serve you and your family. Your children don’t have to play every sport or every instrument or participate in every extra-curricular under the sun. You don’t have to volunteer for every school event. It’s ok to have a quiet stay-cation or holiday at home. Say no more often..
Try not to compare yourself to other families, especially to parenting “influencers”, no one’s house is that clean all the time! If you’re on social media, seek out more realistic, relatable accounts.
If your child has a diagnosis or health condition that adds extra challenges to parenting, seek out diagnosis- or disorder-specific support groups for families and parents for resources and social support.

Single and Thriving

With all the messages on tv and the media around Valentine’s Day it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that having a healthy, loving partnership with someone is the absolute key to happiness. We get the message over and over again that having that special someone will improve our life and permanently elevate our mood in countless ways. But this actually isn’t true! Research on happiness shows that we all have a baseline level of happiness that moves up and down throughout our life. Happiness is a result of the complex interactions of our genetics, circumstances, activities, and choices. We tend to have a stable, individualized set point for contentment and happiness throughout life that we return to in between the ups and downs. Romantic partnerships are just one aspect of our lives that moves happiness up or down from that baseline level, but it is not the only one! When it feels like romance is alluding you and dragging down your mood, here are some steps you can take to feel better:

Empower your Focus

When we are empowered to focus on important aspects of our lives and our accomplishments, outside of romantic relationships, our happiness grows. Determining your values and moving towards a life that follows them, building in activities that bring joy and provide a sense of mastery, we are choosing an empowered focus on life. Your values help point you in the direction of what actions to take in your life so that it feels authentic and meaningful, and often result in relationship building. However, be empowered to develop a wide variety of fulfilling relationships; there are many important relationships in life outside of romantic ones! Use the time when you are single to build connections with family, friends, or members of your community that are important to you.

Focus on areas of your life that make you happy or give a sense of mastery. This means engaging in activities that help you feel confident, capable and in control. It could include small everyday chores and tasks or bigger commitments like reengaging in or starting new hobbies, traveling more, or getting active within your community by volunteering. Take the time to build in activities that bring enjoyment and leave you feeling energized and happy. Being single is a great time to reflect on what’s important to you and build the important practice of good self-care.

It’s also a good time to reflect on all that you have accomplished. Accomplishments are often not recognized and celebrated the same for those who are not in a relationship. So be sure to take the time and find ways to feel rewarded and proud of your accomplishments, big and small. Surround yourself with people who can celebrate them with you.

Navigating Through Regret or Grief

Most of us have regrets from past romantic relationships or opportunities for romantic experiences that have passed. Navigating through regret or the grief of ended relationships is an important piece of being single and thriving. We have a window of opportunity in these challenging feelings; we process them, learn what these emotions are teaching us, and let them go. Or, do you find that these regrets take on a life of their own, grow, and become amplified over time? Do they they become obsessive thoughts or worries? Thinking about the situation in a productive way is helpful, but when we obsessively dwell on certain thoughts or feelings it can make our thinking less rational and make us feel worse. Constantly running on the thought hamster wheel points your attention away from what is good in your life and zaps your energy. It’s important to “stay in the ick” long enough to understand where it’s coming from, learn from our regret and grief, but allow ourselves to move forward.

Rather than staying stuck in the bad feeling, ask yourself “What aspects of the situation are in my control?” For the parts you have control of ask “What productive action can I take to resolve the feelings of guilt or regret?” Additionally ask “What would you say to help a friend in this situation?” and “How can I show myself compassion in this situation?” Learning from the situation and finding areas of growth or ways to accept and love parts of yourself can be healing.

When you feel stuck, train yourself to recognize the thoughts that keep recurring. The next time the thought comes up, engage in activities that require your full attention, help you stay in the present moment, or act in the opposite of the feelings it brings up. Things like watching a favorite tv show or movie, going to trivia night, exercising, remembering happy times, singing, or dancing to your favorite song and keep you in the present moment, stop the negative thoughts, and help you continue on with the things you need or want to get done.

Love Thy Self!

Remember, being single isn’t a bad thing! There isn’t a rule anywhere that says you have to be in a romantic relationship. In fact, we are always in an ever-evolving relationship with ourselves. We are given a gift, an opportunity to truly learn who we are and nurture our soul with our interests, hobbies, friends, and family. Lean into the good things and embrace what life has to offer, regardless of relationship status. Feel how empowering it can be to be single and thriving.

Mental Wellness Sleep January 16, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Sleep Hygiene for Better Mental Health

Written by: Jessica Hauser-Harrington, PhD, LP

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead!” ~ Warren Zevon

“No sleep till Brooklyn!” ~ The Beastie Boys

“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.” ~Charlotte Bronte

We all know that sleep is important for both our bodies and our brains, yet so few of us would say that we are satisfied with the amount and quality of sleep we get. In fact, many of you may have made New Year’s resolutions to get to bed earlier or to get more sleep. It is recommended that healthy adults get 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night. However, more than a third of adults report sleeping less than 7 hours a night. So many factors can impact our ability to get enough sleep: stress, worries, work and family obligations, over-scheduling, health complications, children who don’t sleep through the night, noisy neighbors, snoring partners, etc.

A more recent phenomenon known as “revenge sleep procrastination” may also be a factor. “Revenge sleep (or bedtime) procrastination” is when someone stays up later in the night than they mean to or know they should, in order to compensate for a lack of free time during the day, or the feeling that their time during the day is not their own. It can mean delaying going to bed, or delaying going to sleep once in bed, and usually takes the form of binge-watching, scrolling online, social media use, or other fairly mindless, time-sucking activities. While it may feel good or justified in the moment, we often regret it when the alarm goes off in the morning and we have missed out on crucial hours of sleep.

Having a partner who snores or maintains a different sleep schedule can also contribute to sleep loss. More and more couples are pursuing a “sleep divorce.” A sleep divorce, also sometimes called a “sleep separation” or “alternative sleep arrangements” is when a couple chooses to sleep separately from one another with the goal of better quality sleep. For some couples, this may mean two beds in one room (maybe one partner likes a firmer/softer bed, more or fewer blankets, or tosses and turns throughout the night). For others, it may mean sleeping in separate rooms (especially if one or both snores, they work different shifts requiring sleeping at different times; taking turns caring for an infant, etc). While there can be a social stigma associated with couples sleeping separately, the potential benefits of getting better quality sleep are leading more couples to try this arrangement out. Recent studies suggest that approximately 1 in every 5 couples are sleeping separately most or all of the time.

Loss of sleep can have significant immediate and long term effects.

Immediate consequences of sleep deprivation include:

Grogginess, brain fog
Impaired decision making
Impaired reaction time
Increased risk of accidents or injuries

Long-term consequences of chronic sleep loss include:

Increased risk of hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, heart attack, and stroke
Increased anxiety and depression

While certain medical conditions and sleep disorders such as sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, narcolepsy, etc. that contribute to disrupted sleep require medical interventions, there are a number of behavioral and environmental changes that you can make to improve your sleep quality and quantity.

Good Sleep Habits to Start (and Maintain) in 2024

Go to bed and wake as close to the same time each day as possible
Avoid daytime naps if possible, and if you need a “power nap,” limit them to around 20 minutes
Keep your bedroom as dark as possible
Colder rooms promote better sleep (the ideal sleep temperature is between 60 and 67 degrees)
Limit or avoid caffeine use in the afternoon and evening
Exercise regularly, but not too late in the evening
Limit your bedroom to sleep and intimacy
Turn off screens (tv, computers, phones, tablets) 30-60 minutes before bedtime, and use the nighttime feature for evening screen usage
Consider activities such as meditation, journaling, a gratitude practice, or light yoga/stretching as a pre-bedtime ritual to calm your mind
Sleep on the best quality bed, pillows and bed linens you can afford

Can Therapy Help Me Sleep Better?

If, after making adjustments to your sleep habits, you find yourself struggling to get the amount and quality of sleep you need, it may be worth seeking professional help. Taking to your physician is important to rule out any medical concerns, but speaking with a therapist trained in behavioral medicine and CBTi (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia) is a good next step. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for insomnia is typically a short-term therapy that can typically be completed in 6 to 8 sessions. Your therapist will meet with you to review your current sleep routine, sleep environment, and any mental health concerns. You will work together to adjust your sleep behaviors and to address any dysfunctional beliefs around sleep. Untreated or undertreated anxiety and mood disorders can often contribute to disrupted sleep, so addressing those concerns in therapy is also important.

If you’d like to meet with one of our professionals regarding sleep, contact our office at 248-220-3332.

Citations and Resources for Further Reading

The Centers for Disease Control, Sleep and Sleep Disorders: https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/data_statistics.html

The National Sleep Foundation: https://www.thensf.org/

Institute of Medicine (US) Committee on Sleep Medicine and Research; Colten HR, Altevogt BM, editors. Sleep Disorders and Sleep Deprivation: An Unmet Public Health Problem. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2006. 3, Extent and Health Consequences of Chronic Sleep Loss and Sleep Disorders. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK19961/

Liu, Y., Wheaton, A. G., Chapman, D. P., Cunningham, T. J., Lu, H., & Croft, J. B. (2016). Prevalence of healthy sleep duration among adults–United States, 2014. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 65(6), 137–141., Retrieved March 24, 2023, from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26890214/

Walker J, Muench A, Perlis ML, Vargas I. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I): A Primer. Klin Spec Psihol. 2022;11(2):123-137. doi: 10.17759/cpse.2022110208. PMID: 36908717; PMCID: PMC10002474.

What Is “Revenge Bedtime Procrastination”? https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/revenge-bedtime-procrastination

“A ‘Sleep Divorce’ Might Be Exactly What Your Relationship Needs”

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/sleep-divorce

Alcohol and Other Substances Holidays Mental Wellness Self-improvement December 29, 2023 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Should I Try “Dry”?: A Quick Dive into the Benefits of Dry January

The new year is fast approaching and with it brings the promise of a fresh start and the exciting prospect of change. For many of us this offers an opportunity and a chance to redefine ourselves- to break away from habits that do not serve us and embrace new ones. Nothing feels more empowering than taking our mental and physical health into our own hands.

One such transformative habit that has gained immense popularity and momentum is the concept of Dry January.

What is Dry January?

Dry January seems new and trendy but it actually has roots stemming back to World War II (1942). That’s right, more that 80 years ago! More recently, a challenge in the UK took off when people decided they wanted to abstain from alcohol for 31 days. The idea was that this time would allow the body to “detox” from the indulgences of the holiday season and provide time for the mind to “reset”. Almost as if we get a chance to start the new year with a “blank slate”. This period of time serves as an ideal opportunity to reflect on our relationship with alcohol and explore the benefits of abstinence.

If I Want to Try “Dry”, Does That Mean I Have a Problem?

Nope! Simply participating in Dry January is not an indicator that you have a problem with alcohol. In fact, more and more individuals are choosing not to drink just because it makes them feel good. However, having a Dry January does provide a valuable opportunity to reflect on how alcohol consumption affects your wellbeing.

Here are just a few indicators that might be a sign of more problematic use:

Drinking more than intended on your own or at events
Not being able to slow down or stop, even when you try
Giving up or not being able to perform certain responsibilities because of drinking (or effects of drinking, like hangover or fatigue)
Needing to stave off a hangover with “the hair of the dog”
Problems with relationships, work, or school because of drinking
Consuming increasing amounts in one sitting or across a period of time, like a week

If you or someone you know exhibit any of the above, it might be a sign of a more serious problem. While Dry January might be a great start, individuals who are experiencing problem drinking often need support, resources, and a helpful community to make sustainable change.

How do I do ‘Dry January’?

As of January 1, 2024 the idea is to completely abstain from all alcohol. Most people need to take some steps to be successful. If you are someone who typically enjoys a glass of wine with dinner, have a different beverage choice that feels rewarding ready and available. If you like to go out on the weekend and grab a drink with friends, maybe have a planned substitute activity or mocktail in mind before you head out. Check out some other helpful tips below:

Have a clear and measurable goal – Are you completely abstaining for 31 days?
Ask for support from friends and family – Ask them to join you! Social Support = Success!
Avoid triggers that may make you want to drink – certain times of day, places, situations, emotions, songs, etc.
Find a substitute “go-to drink” for social situations – Maybe you want sparkling water with a wedge of lemon or lime, a special mocktail, soda, etc.
Remember that “no” is a full sentence – if someone asks you or pressures you to drink, you do not have to explain yourself. “No” is a full sentence and you do not owe anyone an explanation about why you aren’t drinking unless you care to share that information
Be sure to reward yourself for your achievements – big and small
Be kind and compassionate with yourself – Anytime we are making a change, we can expect slip ups and mistakes to happen. Learn from it, acknowledge it, remember why you started, then move on.

Dry January can extend beyond 31 days and oftentimes, many people choose to keep it going! There is nothing wrong with that! I say go for it…do what works for you!

What if I slip up?

Don’t let one, or even several, slip ups ruin the experience (or experiment) for you. Change is hard. Change is fluid, not linear. Slip ups and mistakes happen and to be successful we must accept this..The most important thing is, if Dry January is your goal, find a way to get back on track. Maybe consider why you wanted to participate in Dry January in the first place- what is the motivation behind these 31 days? Allow yourself some grace and compassion, don’t beat yourself up over it.

How do I Socialize Without Alcohol?

It might feel weird or awkward at first, but if you feel the need to hold a drink in your hand when you are socializing, then make sure you have a “go-to” alcohol-free drink that you feel comfortable ordering. There are a lot of beverage options available that do not contain alcohol. There are also many new creative and delicious mocktails that have become widely popular. If you are at a bar, any skilled bartender can turn your favorite drink into a mocktail. If you are starting to notice a reliance on alcohol to feel comfortable in social situations, then that is helpful information. Maybe you are learning about some anxiety that the alcohol has been assisting with, otherwise known as “liquid courage”. Throughout this process, you may begin to have new patterns, thoughts and emotions come to your awareness. Additionally, sober bars and events have gained popularity and are starting to pop up in more and more locations. If this may be of interest to you, perhaps see if one is located in your area and pay one a visit. Being alcohol free doesn’t mean that you have to be a hermit for 31 days.

Need a Motivational Boost? Here are Some Benefits of Dry January…

The benefits of participating in Dry January are countless and include both physical and mental benefits.

Physical Benefits

Studies have shown that abstaining from alcohol, even for the short duration of a month, can lead to improved sleep quality, increased energy, weight loss, and improved organ function (such as the liver). Data also suggests that refraining from drinking can lead to reduced blood pressure, lower cholesterol levels, and even reduced levels of cancer-related proteins in the blood.

Mental Benefits

People who have participated in Dry January in the past have indicated that they feel happier, more confident, and more in control of their alcohol consumption and drinking habits. And, as an added benefit, people also shared that they were able to find new ways to spend time with friends and family and socialize that did not involve alcohol. Others have recalled how they were able to share deeper and more meaningful connections with friends and family and feel more present.

Conclusion

As we stand on the cusp of a new year, filled with hope and anticipation, let’s consider embracing the change that Dry January offers. It is so much more than giving up alcohol for a month; it is about starting the year on a positive note, setting the tone for the months to follow and taking control of our health, habits, and most importantly, our lives. Who knows…this one small change could be the catalyst for a year of transformation!

If you think you or a loved one may have a problematic relationship with alcohol, help is available. Contact Monarch Behavioral Health to speak with one of our specialists. And check out this cool AA meeting finder!

Depression Holidays Mental Wellness Stress Therapy Uncategorized December 19, 2023 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Balancing the Joy and Stress of the Holidays

Pumpkin spice is a distant memory as we transition to peppermint mocha to energize our bodies full steam ahead into the holiday season. The holidays are marketed as the “most wonderful time of the year”. Odds are many agree with that sentiment. But, as we know this time of the year can bring both joy and stress. Nothing reminds me more of this delicate balance of emotions than the festive family picture. They are shared with family and friends through social media posts and holiday cards. They showcase families in their finest attire being silly, smiling, and looking lovingly into a camera on their best behaviors. We see the picture perfect family basking in the holiday season in all its glory. What we don’t see is the leadup to the picture perfect portrait.

We do not hear siblings arguing amongst themselves. We do not hear disgruntled parents bribing their children to wear something other than their princess dress and crocs. We do not see parents frantically running out of the house 15 minutes behind schedule and sweating in their color coordinated outfits mom spent hours researching and putting together. But, families do it every year. Why? Because as much stress as the experience causes, we also know the picture will bring us joy. So, how do we manage the holidays knowing we will experience joy and stress together? There are strategies that we can all use to feel resilient and in control at the intersection of holiday cheer and stress.

Find Balance and Execute

There are numerous wonderful experiences to be had with friends and family in such a short season of celebration. Saying yes to every invite may sound like a wonderful way to connect with your loved ones but it can become draining on your time, resources, and energy. Plan ahead and be realistic with how much time you would like to reserve for yourself and for others. Decide on how many events you feel comfortable attending during a week that will provide yourself and family with both holiday cheer and down time to relax and recharge. Evaluate the needs of your family and align events that are geared towards your needs. A quiet evening at home watching a movie can be just as memorable as elaborate get-togethers or ceremonies.

Set Realistic Expectations

Setting realistic expectations during the season can help manage how we view and enjoy them! Expecting everyone to be filled with holiday cheer and get along with no setbacks to occur (for an entire evening) may be unrealistic. When we are expecting children to test limits and challenges to occur, it can help us feel in control and prepared to manage them as they arise. Making a mental list of what you hope to experience during an event, as well as what would be reasonable limitations helps us to enjoy bright moments while making room for realistic challenges.

Take Care of Yourself!

It may sound silly to say, but it’s important to take care of ourselves to feel well prepared to navigate our emotional responses! Meeting our basic physical needs impacts our overall mental health a great deal. Get consistent sleep, engage in physical movement, and balance meals and water intake. When we are meeting our needs, we can regulate our emotions and reactions easier in times of stress. For instance, sleep has a huge impact on our mood. You may be short-tempered and vulnerable to stress if we’re not getting consistent quality sleep, moving our bodies, and fueling our bodies to feel good. If needed leave holiday celebrations early – it’s okay to do that! Give yourself permission to care for yourself!

Seek Help

As always- reach out! We’re here to help if you’re

– Experiencing more mental health difficulties during the holiday season

– Navigating the “first” holidays without loved ones

– Feeling like stress is preventing you from enjoying the holidays

– Interested in learning strategies to build resilience and balance at the intersection of holiday joy and stress!

Don’t face holiday struggles alone. Contact us and speak with one of our dedicated clinicians.