Category: <span>Holidays</span>

Confidence Holidays Mental Wellness Relationships Self-improvement February 13, 2024 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Single and Thriving

With all the messages on tv and the media around Valentine’s Day it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that having a healthy, loving partnership with someone is the absolute key to happiness. We get the message over and over again that having that special someone will improve our life and permanently elevate our mood in countless ways. But this actually isn’t true! Research on happiness shows that we all have a baseline level of happiness that moves up and down throughout our life. Happiness is a result of the complex interactions of our genetics, circumstances, activities, and choices. We tend to have a stable, individualized set point for contentment and happiness throughout life that we return to in between the ups and downs. Romantic partnerships are just one aspect of our lives that moves happiness up or down from that baseline level, but it is not the only one! When it feels like romance is alluding you and dragging down your mood, here are some steps you can take to feel better:

Empower your Focus

When we are empowered to focus on important aspects of our lives and our accomplishments, outside of romantic relationships, our happiness grows. Determining your values and moving towards a life that follows them, building in activities that bring joy and provide a sense of mastery, we are choosing an empowered focus on life. Your values help point you in the direction of what actions to take in your life so that it feels authentic and meaningful, and often result in relationship building. However, be empowered to develop a wide variety of fulfilling relationships; there are many important relationships in life outside of romantic ones! Use the time when you are single to build connections with family, friends, or members of your community that are important to you.

Focus on areas of your life that make you happy or give a sense of mastery. This means engaging in activities that help you feel confident, capable and in control. It could include small everyday chores and tasks or bigger commitments like reengaging in or starting new hobbies, traveling more, or getting active within your community by volunteering. Take the time to build in activities that bring enjoyment and leave you feeling energized and happy. Being single is a great time to reflect on what’s important to you and build the important practice of good self-care.

It’s also a good time to reflect on all that you have accomplished. Accomplishments are often not recognized and celebrated the same for those who are not in a relationship. So be sure to take the time and find ways to feel rewarded and proud of your accomplishments, big and small. Surround yourself with people who can celebrate them with you.

Navigating Through Regret or Grief

Most of us have regrets from past romantic relationships or opportunities for romantic experiences that have passed. Navigating through regret or the grief of ended relationships is an important piece of being single and thriving. We have a window of opportunity in these challenging feelings; we process them, learn what these emotions are teaching us, and let them go. Or, do you find that these regrets take on a life of their own, grow, and become amplified over time? Do they they become obsessive thoughts or worries? Thinking about the situation in a productive way is helpful, but when we obsessively dwell on certain thoughts or feelings it can make our thinking less rational and make us feel worse. Constantly running on the thought hamster wheel points your attention away from what is good in your life and zaps your energy. It’s important to “stay in the ick” long enough to understand where it’s coming from, learn from our regret and grief, but allow ourselves to move forward.

Rather than staying stuck in the bad feeling, ask yourself “What aspects of the situation are in my control?” For the parts you have control of ask “What productive action can I take to resolve the feelings of guilt or regret?” Additionally ask “What would you say to help a friend in this situation?” and “How can I show myself compassion in this situation?” Learning from the situation and finding areas of growth or ways to accept and love parts of yourself can be healing.

When you feel stuck, train yourself to recognize the thoughts that keep recurring. The next time the thought comes up, engage in activities that require your full attention, help you stay in the present moment, or act in the opposite of the feelings it brings up. Things like watching a favorite tv show or movie, going to trivia night, exercising, remembering happy times, singing, or dancing to your favorite song and keep you in the present moment, stop the negative thoughts, and help you continue on with the things you need or want to get done.

Love Thy Self!

Remember, being single isn’t a bad thing! There isn’t a rule anywhere that says you have to be in a romantic relationship. In fact, we are always in an ever-evolving relationship with ourselves. We are given a gift, an opportunity to truly learn who we are and nurture our soul with our interests, hobbies, friends, and family. Lean into the good things and embrace what life has to offer, regardless of relationship status. Feel how empowering it can be to be single and thriving.

Alcohol and Other Substances Holidays Mental Wellness Self-improvement December 29, 2023 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Should I Try “Dry”?: A Quick Dive into the Benefits of Dry January

The new year is fast approaching and with it brings the promise of a fresh start and the exciting prospect of change. For many of us this offers an opportunity and a chance to redefine ourselves- to break away from habits that do not serve us and embrace new ones. Nothing feels more empowering than taking our mental and physical health into our own hands.

One such transformative habit that has gained immense popularity and momentum is the concept of Dry January.

What is Dry January?

Dry January seems new and trendy but it actually has roots stemming back to World War II (1942). That’s right, more that 80 years ago! More recently, a challenge in the UK took off when people decided they wanted to abstain from alcohol for 31 days. The idea was that this time would allow the body to “detox” from the indulgences of the holiday season and provide time for the mind to “reset”. Almost as if we get a chance to start the new year with a “blank slate”. This period of time serves as an ideal opportunity to reflect on our relationship with alcohol and explore the benefits of abstinence.

If I Want to Try “Dry”, Does That Mean I Have a Problem?

Nope! Simply participating in Dry January is not an indicator that you have a problem with alcohol. In fact, more and more individuals are choosing not to drink just because it makes them feel good. However, having a Dry January does provide a valuable opportunity to reflect on how alcohol consumption affects your wellbeing.

Here are just a few indicators that might be a sign of more problematic use:

Drinking more than intended on your own or at events
Not being able to slow down or stop, even when you try
Giving up or not being able to perform certain responsibilities because of drinking (or effects of drinking, like hangover or fatigue)
Needing to stave off a hangover with “the hair of the dog”
Problems with relationships, work, or school because of drinking
Consuming increasing amounts in one sitting or across a period of time, like a week

If you or someone you know exhibit any of the above, it might be a sign of a more serious problem. While Dry January might be a great start, individuals who are experiencing problem drinking often need support, resources, and a helpful community to make sustainable change.

How do I do ‘Dry January’?

As of January 1, 2024 the idea is to completely abstain from all alcohol. Most people need to take some steps to be successful. If you are someone who typically enjoys a glass of wine with dinner, have a different beverage choice that feels rewarding ready and available. If you like to go out on the weekend and grab a drink with friends, maybe have a planned substitute activity or mocktail in mind before you head out. Check out some other helpful tips below:

Have a clear and measurable goal – Are you completely abstaining for 31 days?
Ask for support from friends and family – Ask them to join you! Social Support = Success!
Avoid triggers that may make you want to drink – certain times of day, places, situations, emotions, songs, etc.
Find a substitute “go-to drink” for social situations – Maybe you want sparkling water with a wedge of lemon or lime, a special mocktail, soda, etc.
Remember that “no” is a full sentence – if someone asks you or pressures you to drink, you do not have to explain yourself. “No” is a full sentence and you do not owe anyone an explanation about why you aren’t drinking unless you care to share that information
Be sure to reward yourself for your achievements – big and small
Be kind and compassionate with yourself – Anytime we are making a change, we can expect slip ups and mistakes to happen. Learn from it, acknowledge it, remember why you started, then move on.

Dry January can extend beyond 31 days and oftentimes, many people choose to keep it going! There is nothing wrong with that! I say go for it…do what works for you!

What if I slip up?

Don’t let one, or even several, slip ups ruin the experience (or experiment) for you. Change is hard. Change is fluid, not linear. Slip ups and mistakes happen and to be successful we must accept this..The most important thing is, if Dry January is your goal, find a way to get back on track. Maybe consider why you wanted to participate in Dry January in the first place- what is the motivation behind these 31 days? Allow yourself some grace and compassion, don’t beat yourself up over it.

How do I Socialize Without Alcohol?

It might feel weird or awkward at first, but if you feel the need to hold a drink in your hand when you are socializing, then make sure you have a “go-to” alcohol-free drink that you feel comfortable ordering. There are a lot of beverage options available that do not contain alcohol. There are also many new creative and delicious mocktails that have become widely popular. If you are at a bar, any skilled bartender can turn your favorite drink into a mocktail. If you are starting to notice a reliance on alcohol to feel comfortable in social situations, then that is helpful information. Maybe you are learning about some anxiety that the alcohol has been assisting with, otherwise known as “liquid courage”. Throughout this process, you may begin to have new patterns, thoughts and emotions come to your awareness. Additionally, sober bars and events have gained popularity and are starting to pop up in more and more locations. If this may be of interest to you, perhaps see if one is located in your area and pay one a visit. Being alcohol free doesn’t mean that you have to be a hermit for 31 days.

Need a Motivational Boost? Here are Some Benefits of Dry January…

The benefits of participating in Dry January are countless and include both physical and mental benefits.

Physical Benefits

Studies have shown that abstaining from alcohol, even for the short duration of a month, can lead to improved sleep quality, increased energy, weight loss, and improved organ function (such as the liver). Data also suggests that refraining from drinking can lead to reduced blood pressure, lower cholesterol levels, and even reduced levels of cancer-related proteins in the blood.

Mental Benefits

People who have participated in Dry January in the past have indicated that they feel happier, more confident, and more in control of their alcohol consumption and drinking habits. And, as an added benefit, people also shared that they were able to find new ways to spend time with friends and family and socialize that did not involve alcohol. Others have recalled how they were able to share deeper and more meaningful connections with friends and family and feel more present.

Conclusion

As we stand on the cusp of a new year, filled with hope and anticipation, let’s consider embracing the change that Dry January offers. It is so much more than giving up alcohol for a month; it is about starting the year on a positive note, setting the tone for the months to follow and taking control of our health, habits, and most importantly, our lives. Who knows…this one small change could be the catalyst for a year of transformation!

If you think you or a loved one may have a problematic relationship with alcohol, help is available. Contact Monarch Behavioral Health to speak with one of our specialists. And check out this cool AA meeting finder!

Depression Holidays Mental Wellness Stress Therapy Uncategorized December 19, 2023 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Balancing the Joy and Stress of the Holidays

Pumpkin spice is a distant memory as we transition to peppermint mocha to energize our bodies full steam ahead into the holiday season. The holidays are marketed as the “most wonderful time of the year”. Odds are many agree with that sentiment. But, as we know this time of the year can bring both joy and stress. Nothing reminds me more of this delicate balance of emotions than the festive family picture. They are shared with family and friends through social media posts and holiday cards. They showcase families in their finest attire being silly, smiling, and looking lovingly into a camera on their best behaviors. We see the picture perfect family basking in the holiday season in all its glory. What we don’t see is the leadup to the picture perfect portrait.

We do not hear siblings arguing amongst themselves. We do not hear disgruntled parents bribing their children to wear something other than their princess dress and crocs. We do not see parents frantically running out of the house 15 minutes behind schedule and sweating in their color coordinated outfits mom spent hours researching and putting together. But, families do it every year. Why? Because as much stress as the experience causes, we also know the picture will bring us joy. So, how do we manage the holidays knowing we will experience joy and stress together? There are strategies that we can all use to feel resilient and in control at the intersection of holiday cheer and stress.

Find Balance and Execute

There are numerous wonderful experiences to be had with friends and family in such a short season of celebration. Saying yes to every invite may sound like a wonderful way to connect with your loved ones but it can become draining on your time, resources, and energy. Plan ahead and be realistic with how much time you would like to reserve for yourself and for others. Decide on how many events you feel comfortable attending during a week that will provide yourself and family with both holiday cheer and down time to relax and recharge. Evaluate the needs of your family and align events that are geared towards your needs. A quiet evening at home watching a movie can be just as memorable as elaborate get-togethers or ceremonies.

Set Realistic Expectations

Setting realistic expectations during the season can help manage how we view and enjoy them! Expecting everyone to be filled with holiday cheer and get along with no setbacks to occur (for an entire evening) may be unrealistic. When we are expecting children to test limits and challenges to occur, it can help us feel in control and prepared to manage them as they arise. Making a mental list of what you hope to experience during an event, as well as what would be reasonable limitations helps us to enjoy bright moments while making room for realistic challenges.

Take Care of Yourself!

It may sound silly to say, but it’s important to take care of ourselves to feel well prepared to navigate our emotional responses! Meeting our basic physical needs impacts our overall mental health a great deal. Get consistent sleep, engage in physical movement, and balance meals and water intake. When we are meeting our needs, we can regulate our emotions and reactions easier in times of stress. For instance, sleep has a huge impact on our mood. You may be short-tempered and vulnerable to stress if we’re not getting consistent quality sleep, moving our bodies, and fueling our bodies to feel good. If needed leave holiday celebrations early – it’s okay to do that! Give yourself permission to care for yourself!

Seek Help

As always- reach out! We’re here to help if you’re

– Experiencing more mental health difficulties during the holiday season

– Navigating the “first” holidays without loved ones

– Feeling like stress is preventing you from enjoying the holidays

– Interested in learning strategies to build resilience and balance at the intersection of holiday joy and stress!

Don’t face holiday struggles alone. Contact us and speak with one of our dedicated clinicians.

Anxiety Depression Family Therapy Holidays Relationships Stress December 16, 2022 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Managing Relationships & Stress Over the Holidays

Edited by: Dr. Julie Braciszewski, PhD., LP

The holidays are here and for many people that means that they are feeling higher levels of stress than usual. In a survey published by the American Psychological Society, 61% of respondents reported that the holidays were a significantly stressful time for them. One of the most challenging holiday stressors is managing our relationships this time of year. But why can our relationships with friends and family be so challenging during the holiday season and what can we can do to ease this stress?

Why Are Relationships More Strained During the Holidays?

First, it can be difficult to meet the expectations that people in our lives have regarding the holidays. Our family, friends or significant others may want us to attend a certain get together or buy a particular gift. We may end up feeling like we disappointed them if we are unable to anticipate or meet these expectations. We also often set very high expectations ourselves, leading to stress and relationship conflict. Second, the heightened pressure of the holidays can worsen already existing relationship stressors. The patterns and dynamics with people that you struggle to get along with during the rest of the year may be much more pronounced during the holidays. Third, the holidays often remind family members of loved ones who they have lost. This contributes to an emotionally charged environment that can be difficult to navigate while we are busy with a hectic holiday schedule. The good news is that there are some things that we can all do to better manage relationships during the holidays:

Actively Manage Expectations

You have the opportunity to align your expectations with your situation and clearly communicate. Unspoken expectations are often unmet expectations. Be clear about what you want and ask others directly what they want. However, it is also important to remind yourself that holiday stress is often related to unrealistic expectations that nobody can live up to. Do not take on the responsibility of creating an ideal holiday experience for your family, friends and/or partner. Everything is not going to go perfectly, and you must remind yourself that perfectionism steals opportunities for connection and joy.

Encourage Healthy Interactions

A lot of interactions this time of year aren’t really under our control, and this can cause increased stress. However, we can contribute to creating a healthier and less stressful environment for the holidays. You can choose what you focus on, what your emotional reactions are, and how you respond to others. This time of year, it reduces stress to focus your energy on finding even small things that grow gratitude. In stressful relationships, you can search for what you might have in common, instead of differences that drive you apart. We also often have to practice more ‘letting go’ and acceptance at the holidays than is typical. Giving up control and practicing radical acceptance can actually help you cultivate healthier interactions. You can, however, influence others’ behaviors and interactions with how you choose to regulate your emotions and respond. You can also consider asking everyone at a holiday gathering to share something that they are grateful for. Research tells us that expressing gratitude is correlated with improved stress management and reduced conflict.

Take care of yourself

‘Tis the season for holiday treats, drinks, stuffed stockings late nights and latkes. While this can fill us up with joy, this deviation from our typical routines can also take a physical and mental toll. It is important to remember that we cannot be at our best for family and friends if we are not attending to our own psychological and physiological needs. Take time to exercise, meditate, or engage in other stress management techniques. When we are juggling busy holiday schedules it can be easy to overlook the basics, like drinking enough water and getting adequate sleep. Make sure that you attend to your emotional and physical needs so that you can enjoy your holiday time with the people that are important to you.

Make time and space for grief

Whether you’ve lost someone recently or are grieving a lost relationship, making space and time for grief is important during the holidays. This space allows us to recognize and validate the experience and not let it overshadow opportunities for joy and connection. Take time to purposefully commemorate and honor your loss and find moments to connect with others around this loss.

Seek Support

Reach out; the people around us often do not realize that we are struggling. Identify a family member or friend that you can talk to when you are feeling stressed. They may be going through a similar experience, and you can support each other. Research shows that when people are feeling stressed, they often feel isolated, and this makes the situation worse. Reach out and let someone know that you are feeling stressed. And of course, give us a call –we are here for you and want you to have a great holiday season.