Category: <span>Family Therapy</span>

Family Therapy Parenting Relationships Stress March 4, 2025 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Forging Your New Family Portrait: How to Shield Kids’ Mental Health During Divorce

The choice to separate or divorce from a partner is complex and incredibly difficult. However, separation or divorce can be the best decision for everyone involved, including the children. Research has shown that children who are exposed to open, unresolved conflict between their parents regularly are more stressed than children from divorced families. Divorce can provide a model of adult behavior and relationships that emphasizes working out problems with compassion, wisdom, and appropriate action. Among the many decisions on reorganizing your lives, are choices about parenting. When divorce is the best option, there are specific ways parents can make the transition smoother and support their children’s mental health.

Forge a new picture of family

Divorce can be an opportunity to consciously shape your family bonds in a way that feels positive and powerful. Spending a little time reflecting on what was and was not working in your former family configuration will go a long way in forging this path forward. How do you want your new family to relate to each other? What are each family member’s roles and how do they express these in the family system? What aspects of family are most important to you – time spent together, emotional support, humor, respect, independence? In what ways will you be sure these aspects flourish in your family moving forward?

Stick to the routine as best as possible

Divorce or separation usually causes major disruptions to routines and schedules. Consciously striking a balance between honoring old routines and establishing new ones can help ease the transitions and provide a sense of stability. Maintain routine activities like eating dinner together, going on walks, bedtime routines or having weekend movie nights. Make a list of these routines and highlight the ones you are purposely going to stick to in this transition. This helps your family stay connected as well as help maintain typical expectations for behavior. For instance, maintaining your typical chore or homework schedule can help your child meet their responsibilities at home and at school, which in turn helps them feel stable and confident. You can give a little more grace and patience, but if routines and schedules change drastically, it can be very confusing and make your children feel more out of control.

It’s important to spend time together as a family. This can be with or without the other parent, whichever works best for you and the new relationship you are creating with your former partner. Quality time is a great tool for helping kids feel safe, loved, secure in their relationship with you, and can help to establish a new sense of normal.

Make sure they have a space that feels like their own

Children can be very concrete, which means they associate complex ideas or relationships with more simple or physical things or spaces. Their understanding of family relationships, stability and safety may be associated or linked with a physical location, like the former family home. Moving to a new home or visiting a parent in their new residence may have a larger, destabilizing emotional impact than expected, bringing sadness, anxiety or negative behaviors to the surface. You can increase your child’s sense of control and ‘ownership’ over this new space by letting them arrange furniture, pick out small items to decorate, and shift some belongings from their previous home into the new space.

Limit conflict in front of the children

Keeping the lines of communication open between you and your ex-partner regarding the children is very important. Research has consistently shown children cope best when they are not exposed to adults’ ongoing conflicts. If there is high conflict between you and your ex, keep any conversations to basics like pickup and drop off times, doctor’s appointments, important school dates, or necessary information about your children.

Communication should be between the adults. Do not use your children to send messages back and forth between your ex-partner. Possible ways to exchange information include email, a book that goes back and forth with the children or one of the many co-parenting apps that are available. They can help maintain privacy by allowing you to remain in contact with your ex-partner without giving out phone numbers or email addresses, keep track of important dates in the schedule, share key information about the child(ren), and transfer money. Some are free and some charge a fee. In Oakland County, Family Wizard is often the recommended tool for communication between co-parents.

Use neutral language to describe your ex

This can be one of the most challenging aspects of managing child-parent relationships during and after divorce. The pull to express to your child why and how you, or your child, were wronged can be intense. You may want to describe their other parent’s shortcomings, hurtful behaviors, or negative choices as a way to cope with your own feelings about the situation, or validate the child’s. And while helping to validate a child’s hurt feelings is important, ongoing or regular disparaging comments about the other parent can be very harmful to a child. This is because when we are little, we form our identities and stable sense of self by associating with our caregivers and loved ones.

When you speak badly about your ex, your child folds these words into their understanding of themselves, and this hurts your child, as well as your relationship with your child. Eventually the child’s identity becomes more independent and isn’t so entwined with their parents’. As your child grows and matures, they will be increasingly aware of relationship dynamics and come to their own understanding of their parents’ behaviors. Providing them the room to develop their identity and stable sense of self without disparaging their other parent sets them up for resilience.

Connected Kids are Healthy Kids

Unless safety is a concern, children benefit from strong relationships with both parents. It’s in the best interest of your child to support the other parent’s connection in their life as best as you can. Of course it’s hard to do at times, but try to keep your anger, resentment, blame, jealousy, or hatred from impacting your child’s relationship with your ex. In the aftermath of divorce or separation many people need help sorting through and coping with their strong emotions, and this is totally normal! Reach out to friends or family to help you process the negative emotions and frustrations, or reach out to us for support.

Conclusion

When divorce is the best option for the family, it can be hard to forge your new family portrait. While this process is difficult, with time and support, families can find ways to grow stronger together, open the door to new beginnings, and create healthier family dynamics overall.

CBT Skills Children Therapy Family Therapy Mental Wellness Self-improvement Teenage Therapy June 21, 2023 By Beth Church 0 Comments

5 Ways to Boost Summer Mental Health

Written & Edited by Dr. Julie Braciszewski, PhD, LP

We only get a couple months of warm weather and summer fun here in Michigan. Let’s make the best of these long summer days! Summer activities, routines, and events pose opportunities to build mental wellness – but we do have to be strategic. Here are 5 ways you can purposefully build and support mental wellness in your or your loved one’s lives this summer.

1. Power up Social Skills

Social skills are a major building block of resilience and success for kids and adults. Almost everyone can use some social skill building and summer is the perfect time to work on these strategies. Perhaps you or your child need help learning how to engage in successful introductions to new friends, asking others for help, setting appropriate boundaries, dealing with conflict, or either directing play/activities or going with the flow a bit more? Whatever might help increase confidence and success in social interactions, summertime is a great time to hone these skills.

Here’s how to do it – Make a small list of social skills to practice for the summer. Before a social interaction, identify one specific skill. Talk about the skill and role play the skill; ask when and how the skill might be used. After the social interaction, be sure to talk or journal about how it went. What went well? What could use improvement? What will you do differently next time?

Summer camps focused on building social skills are a great way to build these skills quickly and get professionally guided practice with other kids. If your child is entering grades 2^nd through 5^th grade, you can sign them up for the Boys Super Social Summer Camp. Girls entering 5^th through 8^th grade can sign up for the Girl Strong Empowerment camp, which focuses on empowering social skill development for middle schoolers.

More info on MBH camps

2. Leverage Schedule Changes to Build Executive Functioning Skills

While it feels wonderful to be freed from the typical school year schedule, after a few days or weeks, kids often become bored and/or irritable, and parents can feel overwhelmed. Adults and kids who struggle with executive functioning may find schedule and routine changes especially difficult. Summer is an opportunity to develop and practice new executive functioning strategies. For instance, plotting out the daily and weekly schedule can help everyone in the household orient to changing routines and expectations. For families, this might include mapping out parent work schedules, who is on kid caretaking duty each day, and scheduled activities such as practices, social hangouts, and camps. However, be sure to mindfully schedule free time! Purposefully put it on the calendar so you or your child knows when a block of free time will occur, and we can look forward to and schedule something fun. If your child or teen continues to struggle with their summer schedule, completing daily routines, or getting stuck when faced with transitions, make the schedule visual – color code different types of activities and include pictures. It might seem silly to do for an older kid or teen – but being able to orient oneself to the day with a brief glance really helps regulate emotions and executive functioning.

3. Mindful (not mindless) Screen Time

As daily routines and schedules loosen up, screens often fill in the blanks. However, increased screen time is typically associated with decreased positive mood, increased anxiety, and increased irritability. Summer is a great time to facilitate insights and skills that increase screen time regulation – set a daily screen ‘allowance’, ask yourself or your kid how this allowance will be ‘spent’, and follow up by asking how it went or sitting down together to look at screen time on a tracking app. If you or your child has trouble conceptualizing their screen time allowance, make it visual – draw a circle or bar graph to represent the number of minutes that can be ‘spent’ on each app or game. To increase insight and motivation to self-regulate screen time, reflect on days in which you or your child used screens more; how do your/their bodies and brains feel? On days screens are used less; how do your/their bodies and brains feel? Kids and adults often both need help developing the ability to reflect on how screens actually make their brains and bodies feel and enacting effective regulation skills.

4. Focused Bonding

Sometimes the adventures we can have during summer are the perfect prescription for family or relationship closeness. Research shows that when families feel close and connected, including strong child-parent communication, bonding time with siblings and regular family mealtimes, kids and teens are less likely to experience depression. Relationship closeness built on shared experience also impacts adults’ mood and anxiety positively. However, the summer schedule can be overwhelming. One trick is to build in small, focused bursts of relationship focused time. This might look like an end of day 10-minute check in with purposeful physical contact, watching a short video clip that’s part of a series 3-4 times per week, or sharing meals together regularly. Building relationship routines that include regular, seemingly inconsequential time spent together, as well as larger adventures will help you and/or your child build resilience.

5. Address Mental Health Issues Now

Don’t wait for mental health issues to go away on their own. If emotional or behavioral difficulties last more than 2 weeks, it’s not a ‘phase’, get real support and guidance. Summer is a great time to start therapy, engage in a short-term treatment plan to build resilience, or engage in a camp supporting mental wellness. We encourage people to reach out before a crisis occurs, so that when difficult situations or events occur, you or your child already have coping strategies in place.

Anxiety Depression Family Therapy Holidays Relationships Stress December 16, 2022 By Beth Church 0 Comments

Managing Relationships & Stress Over the Holidays

Edited by: Dr. Julie Braciszewski, PhD., LP

The holidays are here and for many people that means that they are feeling higher levels of stress than usual. In a survey published by the American Psychological Society, 61% of respondents reported that the holidays were a significantly stressful time for them. One of the most challenging holiday stressors is managing our relationships this time of year. But why can our relationships with friends and family be so challenging during the holiday season and what can we can do to ease this stress?

Why Are Relationships More Strained During the Holidays?

First, it can be difficult to meet the expectations that people in our lives have regarding the holidays. Our family, friends or significant others may want us to attend a certain get together or buy a particular gift. We may end up feeling like we disappointed them if we are unable to anticipate or meet these expectations. We also often set very high expectations ourselves, leading to stress and relationship conflict. Second, the heightened pressure of the holidays can worsen already existing relationship stressors. The patterns and dynamics with people that you struggle to get along with during the rest of the year may be much more pronounced during the holidays. Third, the holidays often remind family members of loved ones who they have lost. This contributes to an emotionally charged environment that can be difficult to navigate while we are busy with a hectic holiday schedule. The good news is that there are some things that we can all do to better manage relationships during the holidays:

Actively Manage Expectations

You have the opportunity to align your expectations with your situation and clearly communicate. Unspoken expectations are often unmet expectations. Be clear about what you want and ask others directly what they want. However, it is also important to remind yourself that holiday stress is often related to unrealistic expectations that nobody can live up to. Do not take on the responsibility of creating an ideal holiday experience for your family, friends and/or partner. Everything is not going to go perfectly, and you must remind yourself that perfectionism steals opportunities for connection and joy.

Encourage Healthy Interactions

A lot of interactions this time of year aren’t really under our control, and this can cause increased stress. However, we can contribute to creating a healthier and less stressful environment for the holidays. You can choose what you focus on, what your emotional reactions are, and how you respond to others. This time of year, it reduces stress to focus your energy on finding even small things that grow gratitude. In stressful relationships, you can search for what you might have in common, instead of differences that drive you apart. We also often have to practice more ‘letting go’ and acceptance at the holidays than is typical. Giving up control and practicing radical acceptance can actually help you cultivate healthier interactions. You can, however, influence others’ behaviors and interactions with how you choose to regulate your emotions and respond. You can also consider asking everyone at a holiday gathering to share something that they are grateful for. Research tells us that expressing gratitude is correlated with improved stress management and reduced conflict.

Take care of yourself

‘Tis the season for holiday treats, drinks, stuffed stockings late nights and latkes. While this can fill us up with joy, this deviation from our typical routines can also take a physical and mental toll. It is important to remember that we cannot be at our best for family and friends if we are not attending to our own psychological and physiological needs. Take time to exercise, meditate, or engage in other stress management techniques. When we are juggling busy holiday schedules it can be easy to overlook the basics, like drinking enough water and getting adequate sleep. Make sure that you attend to your emotional and physical needs so that you can enjoy your holiday time with the people that are important to you.

Make time and space for grief

Whether you’ve lost someone recently or are grieving a lost relationship, making space and time for grief is important during the holidays. This space allows us to recognize and validate the experience and not let it overshadow opportunities for joy and connection. Take time to purposefully commemorate and honor your loss and find moments to connect with others around this loss.

Seek Support

Reach out; the people around us often do not realize that we are struggling. Identify a family member or friend that you can talk to when you are feeling stressed. They may be going through a similar experience, and you can support each other. Research shows that when people are feeling stressed, they often feel isolated, and this makes the situation worse. Reach out and let someone know that you are feeling stressed. And of course, give us a call –we are here for you and want you to have a great holiday season.